4.17.23- FINALLY!

BQ.2 Race Report: Success is the Sweetest Revenge*

I feel like I often say that this is the “hardest training cycle I’ve ever completed. I guess it always feels like that when you’re in the thick of it. This time was a little different though because I made the decision to get back to basics. No more trying out different training plans or coaches. No more experimenting. I returned to the style of training I did back when I ran my first sub-3:40 marathon in the spring of 2015.

In 2016 after I ran three marathons right around a 3:39 I thought it was time to mix things up and try something new. I think maybe what would have served me better at the time though was to have stuck with what was working and just been a little more patient. (Ugh, patience! So hard.) But when you’re chasing big results the view can often get muddied with emotion. I could tell myself that I “wasted” the past two years running races that were below my abilities but in reality all of those experiences just gave me important lessons I needed to learn at the time. Plus, all that training still gets stored in your collective muscle memory.

Another thing I realized this cycle was that I needed to focus on training my brain along with my body. Last year I had a series of races where I dropped out when things weren’t going my way. On one hand I was pretty sure I made the right decisions by dropping out at those races but I also knew that I needed to prepare myself mentally to finish THIS race, even if I found myself falling off my dream goal pace.

So.... the actual training is kind of the boring part to read about. It was 18 weeks of cold, ice, wind, mixed in with endless loops on the track and running bundled up on the treadmill in my garage when it was below zero. It’s not glamorous but winter training really suits me. I logged 1000 miles in those 18 weeks, I just needed the weather to stay cool enough into mid-April so I could reap the rewards. When it appeared that it would be high 30s and no wind on race morning I was absolutely giddy. To hit the jackpot with a solid, uninterrupted training cycle paired with ideal race weather is a very rare thing indeed.

Most of my training looked like this.

I can't say enough good things about the group that puts on the BQ.2 races in Geneva, IL. They literally set everything up so that you don't have to worry about anything other than focusing on running your fastest time. In fact, 60% of the runners qualified for Boston at this race! (It was a very small field but that's still an amazing percentage.)

The marathon course is a 3.25 mile loop that you complete 8 times. (I know, hell for some runners but it clicks for me.) I figure if I can run 20 milers on the track or going back and forth on a three-quarter-mile stretch on the lakefront during the dead of winter, this is a piece of cake.

At the start/finish there is what they call an "elite" water bottle station where you can grab your bottle as you pass by. You then can toss it in a designated area on the way out where volunteers retrieve it and place it back on the table for the next loop. That combined with two other regular aid stations on the loop makes it so there are nice short chunks to break up in your head mentally. The fact that you run the loop eight times also lets you get really familiar with every curve and slope on the course. (Though it’s fairly flat there are a few slight inclines and believe me you know exactly where they are by after the second loop.) I literally only thought about getting to the the next landmark on every loop and didn’t let my brain get ahead of itself.


My “A” goal for this race was sub-3:35, which would pretty much guarantee me a spot in the 2020 Boston Marathon. (My BQ qualifying time right now is 3:40 so that would be 5 minutes under the standard.) My “B” goal was to run a PR (under 3:38:58). This was the time I ran back in April 2016 at Circular Logic Marathon in Indiana.

I didn’t have a "C" goal. I was positive I could do this. This was going to be my day!

Can I just say that one of the most annoying things about this whole process has been explaining to people how complicated the Boston Marathon qualifying process is? For example, before this race I had actually run SEVEN qualifying times over three and a half years. I submitted my best times in 2015, 2016 and 2017 and none of them made the cutoff. (I’m literally too tired to even type out the difference between the qualifying times and the cutoff times again so here’s a link.)

• The first three BQ times I ran were all right around 3:39- a minute under my qualifying time but the cutoffs those years were a BQ -2:28 followed by BQ -2:09. 

• When I aged up to the female 40-44 age group my qualifying time changed to 3:45.  Piece of cake now right? Easier said than done. I ran four more marathons in the 3:42-3:43 range putting me close to 3 minutes below the standard BUT the cutoff jumped to -3:23 that year and I missed out again. 

• In 2018 I didn’t run a BQ time at all because I was too busy dropping out of races and failing spectacularly all over the place in frustration, but the cutoff that year skyrocketed to -4:52 and the BAA decided to lower all the qualifying times by 5 minutes, thereby moving my goal post back to a sub-3:40.

*Sigh*

SO. Here I was again trying to run under 3:40, plus whatever mystery number yet-to-be-determined in September once everyone submits their qualifying times.

via GIPHY


The actual race:

The plan was to go out at 8:15 pace for the first loop (3 miles) and then drop down to right around 8:10 pace. I’ve tried multiple times to go out a lot slower and run a big negative split but I’ve found that all my best races were all pretty steady pace throughout. I have this romanticized idea of being able to crank out a fast 10K at the end of the marathon but I just don’t seem built for it no matter how I come at it. I get locked into my happy pace and can’t shift gears so I picked what I thought I was capable of for this race and stuck to my guns for as long as I could… which played out really quite well until mile 18!

It wasn’t a “wall” or anything significant. The miles up until then were ticking off like clockwork right at my goal pace but all of a sudden every time I glanced down at my watch I was suddenly at about 15 seconds slower per mile while running at the same perceived effort. I kept trying to push it and get back up to speed but nothing was working.

Now usually if I start slowing down this early I would freak out. To be losing steam at mile 18 usually indicated I will crash and burn after 20 miles and be running a minute (or even two) slower by the end of the race. This time however I felt like I was more mentally prepared for this situation. Instead of writing everything off I just told myself that I could stick with this new slightly slower pace for 8 miles, no problem. It probably meant that getting 5 minutes under my BQ time wouldn’t happen but I knew I could still PR and qualify with a decent buffer if I stayed the course and didn’t freak out. I did slow down a bit even more in the last 5K but nothing close the the big drop offs I’ve had in other races. On the final loop I knew I had it in the bag if I just stayed positive.

Official time: 3:38:48!

Will the 8th time be the charm?

I’m hoping since they lowered the qualifying times 5 minutes across the board that there will be no cut off for the 2020 race. However I will also not be surprised at all if tons of runners rise to meet the new bar. I still find it so frustrating that there is no big moment you can celebrate when you cross the finish line because of the complicated registration process. Instead of a "YAY!" more of a "YAY???" If I had just run this time last year before they lowered the standards it would have been a -6:12 buffer instead of a -1:12. I could be mad about that but it won't do me any good to waste that energy.

I will say that I am unbelievably happy to have recovered the speed I thought I had lost! At one point I last year I started to question whether my days of getting faster were just over. Now I know that I do have a little left in the tank and quite possibly a few more years before I reach my full marathon potential. After years of trial and error I’ve identified the training and racing style that works best for me and that is really exciting.

For the first time in years I’m not looking for another marathon to run in a few weeks. I’m super satisfied with this performance! Training was solid all through winter, I avoided getting sick in the taper, there was perfect weather on race day, and I stayed mentally strong. You can’t ask for anything more than that….other than no cutoff for Boston 2020.

*I listened to Tigernite during a large part of this race.

Been Busy

Feeling really really strong. 5 weeks until race day! 💪

Wrap Up, Hard stuff, and Lessons Learned

Yep, that's what happened at Chicago. I still stand by what I posted after the race because I refuse to have a negative outlook based on one crappy year of racing... BUT now I'm ready to pick apart what exactly went wrong for me this year and how to fix it going forward.  

Recapping some other stuff first:

1. I did go to Geveva, IL again in September to run the Last Chance to BQ Marathon. After 20 weeks of training with not even a sniffle I managed came down with a 101 degree fever- no joke- the day before the race. *Punches things* It was the dumbest of luck, but me being even dumber I still drove to Illinois and curled up in a hotel bed for 12 hours hoping I would be able to put something together on race morning.

Of course I couldn't! I was absolutely miserable and started walking at mile 15 before dropping out shortly after. I figured I at least had to give it a shot since there was the slightest possibility I'd be able to shake off the sickness and run well, but it was very clear once I got going that could not outrun a fever. 

2. Mistake number two was not just chilling out, extending my training for a month, and taking a shot at a redemption run in Chicago. Instead I signed up for the DoLittle Marathon in Waukesha just two weeks later. It's a very small local race on a super fast course, so when I saw the weather forecast was going to be perfect on race day (temps in the 40s, no wind) I got on board.

It was at this race when I started to realize that my problem this year is that despite my best efforts, I'm just not currently in sub-3:40 marathon shape. Even with a very conservative start at DoLittle, I still couldn't keep my goal pace when I needed to. By mile 17 or so and quickly fading, I realized that at the pace I was going I was going to be lucky to finish in around 3:50. (A perfectly good time just not what I've been working so hard for.)  At mile 20 I started walk/jogging and at mile 23 the course went close to where I was parked so I took off my bib and bailed once again.

Yes, that makes four races that I have DNF-ed at this year. Granted three of them I had legit reasons (sickness, heat, sickness again) but fourth one I honestly just got really down on myself realizing I wasn't at the level I thought I was at. Not my proudest moment but the last thing I wanted to do was have to talk to a bunch of local running friends at the finish when I was feeling so bummed out. 

I decided then that when I ran Chicago all time goals would go out the window. I'd go out "slow", enjoy the spectators, and finish happy at what has become my favorite marathon:

Having fun! And not even breaking 4 hours!

Wow I felt pretty terrible at the end of this one, but at the same time I actually really enjoyed myself and for the first time in quite a while I took the time to take everything in around me. Jason came down to cheer for me at the final turn before the runners head up Roosevelt to the finish and I about lost it I was so happy. Chicago really is my favorite race and l look forward running it many more times in the future. I knew going in that I had missed my peak to even try to run a fast-ish race that day but being fast was not the point. I needed a finish in 2018 and I got it.

So that's it for marathons this year! No looking for a November race to try once again to scrape a better time together. I have to face the fact that the new training plans I followed this year just didn't work for me. I really wanted to switch it up this year and I put a lot of faith in the training I followed but looking back now I kind of knew in the back of my mind that things weren't totally clicking for me. My marathon pace never felt dialed in during tempo runs when in the past an 8:15 would feel pretty comfortable for me. I also completed every interval workout on pace but nothing ever felt "good.  I was just barely making it through. At the time I chalked it up to having the "cumulative fatigue" of training but at some point things really should begin to come together. It's ok to have bad days from time to time but to never have a real breakthough in months and months of training is pretty rough. 

In conclusion I've decided that I need to return to what got me into PR shape in the first place- so I'm going back to the training method that got me my 3:38 and 3:39 marathons a couple of years ago! Back then I thought I had plateaued with the Pfitzinger training plans but now I feel it's time to return to what got me the best results. Additionally, I need to add back in my strength training routine at least twice a week. I don't know why I fell out of doing strength workouts this past year but I did. I put too much faith in all the running I was doing when really I've always believed that consistent strength training can be key in putting you over the top. It's silly that I let it slide so now I'm firmly back on the kettlebell train. 

Next up! I plan to run the Last Call Half Marathon in 6 weeks to see what my starting point is for spring marathon training. I am down but never out.

Double DNF!

Holy moly is the weather at Wisconsin Marathon ever not a complete mess? If it's not 30 mph winds then we're suddenly treated to the first 80 degree day of the year. This year unfortunately turned out to the be latter. The only thing I can say is at least it wasn't a surprise as I tracked the forecast all week. I knew things were probably not going to go my way but you can't fault a girl for trying.

It looks like a spring marathon finish is not in the cards for me this year. Is it strange that I'm actually kind of ok with it? I ended up dropping out of the Wisconsin Marathon at the half when it because pretty clear the heat was turning my race into a shitshow. If I had trained all winter to "just finish" the race I would have stuck it but with time goals being my end game I wasn't really excited about wrecking my body walk/jogging another 13.1 miles in the heat just to say "I did it."  It felt better to just chalk it up to bad luck and build on my current training for a fall marathon instead.

So that makes not one, but two DNFs for me this spring. After training harder than I've probably ever trained before in my life! 800+ miles total these past 4 months... and a big goose egg.

After I dropped out of the Spring Chance to BQ race two weeks ago I was baffled as to why I felt so bad. It turns out by Monday I was sick. The cold I had been battling during my taper came roaring back to life and I dragged my butt to urgent care to get some antibiotics. Luckily everything cleared up in a few days (mostly just gunk clogging my throat/lungs) but the damage had been done. I felt like all my training went up in a puff of smoke and was so disappointed that I "wasted" perfect 40 degree conditions at the Spring Chance race that I decided to sign up for Wisconsin Marathon to hopefully still capitalize on my fitness.

And we all know how that went!  It was just so, so. brutally hot that morning for a marathon. Sometimes the odds are just not in your favor. I keep telling myself that of all the things in the world to struggle with, I'm very lucky that this is my personal struggle. I'm very conscious of the fact that it's a gift for me to be able to do the things I do. I also want to make sure that I keep writing about and sharing the bad races I have because it's important to not just talk about the times you do amazing. It's all part of the process and if I only shout it out when I have successes then that just seems disingenuous, right?

I've been fortunate to qualify for Boston three years in a row now,  but unfortunately unlucky to not get into the race before it filled since my qualifying times have all been right on the bubble. I may have bit the big one this time around but just because this training cycle was a bust doesn't mean I won't continue to improve. So my plan is to build off of what I've done for the past 4 months and bust my bottom for a race in September. The good news is that I still love training hard. It's what makes me excited about each day when I wake up in the morning. I'll just need to live in a bubble during those final weeks so I don't come down with a stinking respiratory infection again.

18 weeks until the next one! Let's get started.

Ugh.

Looks like my 16 week training plan is probably being converted to an 18-week one. I had the worst time at my stupid race today! So bad that I dropped out at 16 miles. Truthfully I only finished 16 because I wanted to salvage it as a long training run and hopefully come back at another event.

I don't even know what my problem was. I'm kicking myself for squandering perfect race conditions (40 degrees/cloudy/no wind) on a flat course for.... ?? I just felt sluggish and slow and like my legs were dead the whole time. I was working so hard for a pace that should have been (and HAS been in the past) easy for me on race day. I always tell myself not to worry if I start out and don't feel amazing but once it gets to mile 8, 9, 10 and I'm still struggling to fall into a groove and keep up I know I'm toast. Was my taper not long enough? I struggled with how short the Hanson's taper was on paper because I was so tired for all of my training but I really wanted to trust the process and do it (mostly) by the book. I probably should have listened to my gut when I was feeling so bad because my legs are definitely not rested enough. Still, how would I know? "Cumulative fatigue" is supposed to be the point on this training plan.

Ugh.

The good news is since I only ran 16 today (12 of it at pace) and I've been running pretty decent mileage during what was supposed to be a "taper," I might be able to get some REAL tapering/rest done in the next two weeks and get another stab at this at Wisconsin Marathon. I'm really glad that I didn't slog out a 3:50-4:00 marathon and totally trash my legs for dead but JFC I'm frustrated!

 This quest of mine, man. The saga continueth.

The one stupid photo I grabbed from the
video they posted on Facebook. I might
have felt good for these first five steps. :-/

Peak to Taper

PEAK WEEK OF TRAINING IS DONE!

Long run is "only" 16 miles but omg the rest of the week.

Lol joke's on me though because the Hanson's marathon method apparently doesn't believe in tapering.

*Cries*

To be fair, it really just doesn't believe in a full three week taper. Even though my last "long" run is behind me I still have a few more pretty intense workouts coming up and a decent amount of overall mileage to run before I finally get to start my taper about 10 days out from the marathon. The plus side of this is that I will have less time to sit around obsessing over everything because I'm still training pretty hard for the next week and a half at least.

So what's been good over the past few weeks? Overall I'm still pretty tired most of the time but I have have had a couple of bright spots where glimpses of the training taking hold have broken through. I ran the Chicago Get Lucky Half a couple of weeks ago where I practiced my goal marathon pace for 10 miles of the 13.  I felt pretty strong that day but I was also ready to be done by the end of the race. I had run 60 miles total that week so I keep telling myself that on marathon day when I'm well rested and fueled things will tell a different story. My legs still never really feel totally fresh for any run (thanks cumulative fatigue!) so I'm still looking forward to seeing what I can do when I'm fully prepared to race.

The best run of my training definitely came this past Wednesday. Once again I had a 13 mile run with 10 miles at marathon pace (8:10) on the schedule. This wasn't even my "long" run for the week but just another mid-week tempo run in the middle of a 63 mile training week. (Again, see why I'm always tired?) Everyone was on Spring Break at my house so I decided to drive to Chicago for a change of scenery and run along the lakefront there. I don't how much the location played into my success but everything came to together perfectly that morning and I executed the strongest tempo run of all my training this cycle! The paces I ran were the the same as when I ran the Get Lucky Half but I felt so much better and stronger overall during the run- and I didn't even have the adrenaline of a race environment this time. It felt so good to have such a solid workout at this late stage in training. Once again, my legs never felt fresh and peppy but my lungs and heart rate felt relaxed and even the whole time. I sound like a broken record but I just can't wait to see what I can do on fresh legs!

I love Chicago running.

My marathon is now just under three weeks away. I need to start working on a pacing/fueling strategy but most of all I'm really just trying to relax and trust my training. I know I've done things a lot differently this time around (which was the whole point) and I'm excited to see how it all plays out on race day.

This Will Be an Update

I'm doing things completely different this time. Over the past few years I've got pretty good at finishing marathons in the 3:38-3:43 range, but I realized recently that if I ever want to make a big leap in my training I'm going to have to switch things up a bit. After all, don't they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results?

I had heard about the Hanson's training method before but I never gave it a hard look because it doesn't have training runs over 16 miles. I admit I kind of turned my nose up at that because I've always been "good" at running the super long training runs and wasn't wanting to give them up. Also, I was a little skeptical about being able to run a marathon at an aggressive goal pace without a few 20-22 milers in the build up. After reading the Hanson's book though, and looking at the training plan as whole, I really started to buy in to the mentality that "cumulative fatigue" was just as good (if not better) than breaking your body down with those extra-long 20+ milers. In the past I've trained and had success with the Pfitzinger training plan as well as with my own coach, but still haven't been able to have that "big" breakthrough I feel like I've been on the cusp of for a couple of years now. So I figured "what do I have to lose?" and decided to give the plan I thought I'd never do a shot.

Right now I'm in week 10 of 16 so I'm well into the second half of the journey, and I have to say I'm the most tired I've ever been in any marathon or ultramarathon build up I've done. Part of me wants to say it's because I'm a few years older than when I first started on this quest to run Boston, but another part knows that I'm definitely training differently than I have before and something new (hopefully good?) is happening.

I'm so tired. And hungry, or course. But mostly tired. I almost never have "fresh" legs anymore. I'm doing the workouts and hitting the paces but dang I wish they felt good! I used to hate running slower for recovery runs but now 10 minute miles on recovery days are just about the best thing I can think of and even then I'm still tired and sore when I run them.

What has changed? Funny enough, the mileage is pretty much the same-it's just broken up differently. Even without an 18, 20 or 22 miler I'm still hovering around 55-60 miles a week right now. The biggest difference really, is the intensity. Now, I'm not a stranger to hard speedwork. I really enjoy running intervals and you can get results from doing them fairly quickly. What's new for me though is that in addition to the weekly speed workout there's also a weekly hard tempo run at marathon pace. Theses tempos started out at 5 miles (plus a warm up/cooldown) but eventually work their way up to 10 miles at marathon pace. On their own they would be manageable but every tempo day my legs are still fatigued from interval day. And then every long run day I'm still fatigued from tempo day. (See how this works now?) Of course on all the inbetween days I'm still running too- just super slow- so everything is continuously compounding. Oh, and there's one whopping rest day a week. Woo!

So alllllll this cumulative fatigue means that when I go out to run *only* 16 miles for my long run, I'm really simulating the last 16 miles of a marathon instead of the first 16.  At least, that's the mentality behind the training. And people really seem to swear by this method- according to many reviews and race reports I've read online. (Oh, and you better believe I've read tons!)

I guess the tl;dr is this: Stuff is hard. I have to idea if anything is really working but I'll find out in six weeks. So pretty much like every other time I've done this. Yay running.

Go Ahead, Call it a Comeback

Yeah, I took a little break from training. I'd like to say that I did it because I'm smart and I know the importance of letting my body recover between training cycles but in reality I was more or less forced to rest in order to heal a specific injury. Luckily *knock on wood* I haven't had to deal with many injuries in the nearly 10 years I've been running but I finally went out and got myself one that required a lot sitting on my butt and resting for a few weeks in order to get better.

Truthfully, I had been dealing with mild plantar fasciitis in my heel since way back in early August when I ramped up my fall marathon training. It was a series of dumb mistakes that that led to it and in hindsight I probably deserved it. Here's how I managed to find myself in this situation:

1. After returning from our two-week vacation in July (where I hardly ran at all) I jumped immediately into an aggressive training program in an attempt to BQ at Lakefront Marathon.

2. Said marathon training program was only a short 11 weeks long instead of the usual 16 I like to do in order to build up slowly and safely avoid injury.

3. I ignored all the early signs of plantar fasciitis that began in late August and didn't adjust my training, take any time off, or change my goals for Lakefront.

4. After finishing Lakefront at the beginning of October I also ran the Milwaukee Marathon for fun on October 15th, followed by the Chicago Lakefront 50K at the end of the month.

All my training got me a 50K PR in Chicago but after that my heel basically exploded and told me where I could shove it. I tried to ignore it yet again to run the Schaumburg Half Marathon on Thanksgiving weekend (a yearly tradition of mine) but my foot basically gave me the middle finger at mile 6 and I hobbled in pain to the finish for probably my worst half marathon ever. Not my slowest finish but definitely the worst I've felt at a half.

It was then that I decided to take some action. I prescribed myself 2 weeks of NO RUNNING at all, started a series of acupuncture treatments at Milwaukee Community Acupuncture, and scheduled an appointment at the Milwaukee Foot and Ankle clinic. I had big plans for 2018 and I was not going to let my stupidity derail them. I was going to be smart, dammit! At the doctor I had x-rays and an ultrasound done on my foot that thankfully(!) showed no stress fractures but I did have a big angry plantar fascia inflamed to about twice the width it should have been. Surprising? Not in the least. I told the doc about my running ambitions for the upcoming year and she assured me I could still get there and that I was doing all the right things. I like the occasional head pat so this made me feel good.

A steroid injection into my heel wasn't immediately recommended (thank goodness) but I did leave the office with an oral steroid prescription to calm the inflammation and a big boot to wear at night that keeps my foot flexed and the fascia stretched. I also had neat-o molds taken of my feet so I can be fitted with some custom orthotics for my shoes. I'm looking forward to getting those made and seeing how they work out!

In the third week of my break I decided to cautiously test the waters. My medication was making my foot feel better and I felt like the acupuncture treatments were starting to help as well. I didn't want to overdo it though so I just did a couple of runs in the 3 to 5 mile range at a very, very slow pace on the treadmill. I felt clunky and sluggish but my foot didn't hurt so that was a plus. Week four I increased the mileage a smidge but still kept things suuuuuper slow. Then on the week between Christmas and New Year's I attempted a very conservative speed workout on the treadmill (400s). I opted for indoors again because it was probably a bajillion degrees below zero outside and the last thing I wanted to do was slip on some dumb ice the week before my spring marathon training was scheduled to begin.

Which brings me to January! Here we are. I officially started a 16-week training plan for the Spring Chance BQ.2 Marathon on April 21st. It's a 10k-ish multi- loop course that is designed for people who are specifically attempting to qualify for Boston 2019. What's my training plan you ask?

I'm going all in on Hansons advanced training method!  It's technically an 18 week program but I had to modify it a bit to 16 weeks because of everything I just talked about above. I originally wanted to start in mid-December but I strongly felt it was more important for me to start healthy, even if it meant sacrificing a couple of weeks of training. If I'm being completely honest though, my heel is a little bit hit and miss right now. Some days it's completely fine but other days (like after my speed workout yesterday) the pain will come back and linger for the rest of the day. Overall I believe I'm on the mend but I'm keeping an eye on things in case it regressed to where it was back in November.

More about the training in a bit! I just needed to get all this injury stuff out of my brain so I can look back and remember the time I made a good decision for myself.

Chicago Lakefront 50K: Achievement Unlocked

My one and only PR in 2017 and it's in the 50K! October was a huge race month for me so my legs were pretty D-E-A-D for this one but I met my goal of running sub-5 hours. Official time was 4:58:07! Kind of makes me wonder what I could do if I trained specifically to race this distance. Maybe next year?

Do Every Stupid Thing That Makes You Feel Alive

In unsurprising news, my legs were nowhere near ready to run Lakefront Marathon with only a 9-week buildup. Whoops! Look, I never said that I do smart things. In hindsight I probably should have known that going in but I always harbor these stupid "What if?" dreams. Plus, I was super fired up about missing the Boston cutoff again so I thought maybe I'd be able to ride that energy.

Eh...not so much. I ran a pretty solid 3:45 on a beautiful fall day and funny enough, I didn't even feel mad about not being able to run my sub-3:40 goal. It was one of those days where I just felt super grateful to be healthy and able to participate in this incredibly stupid hobby of mine year after year. Jason came out to cheer for me on the course and I felt excited that he was there for me at the finish line. No tears or pouting for me this time. I was happy that I did my best with what I had and that I enjoyed the day. Running makes me feel alive and I definitely felt alive that day.

Speaking of this stupid hobby of mine, I decided to also run the Milwaukee Marathon last weekend even though it was just two weeks after Lakefront. I mean why not, right? I'm no stranger to a double marathon month! I figured I should be able to take it easy, enjoy the course, and still finish under 4 hours. Also, I was curious to see how the new management handled the event since I quit working for them back in March.

Error leaves PNC Milwaukee Marathon course short.

That time I ran 25.5 miles.

YIKES. Yeah, that's a bummer. The course was almost .8 miles short! Good thing I wasn't trying again for a BQ that day. (I know, I know, like I even could have done it.) My "official" finish time was 3:48 but it really probably should have been in the 3:55 range. I could tell exactly where it happened during the run too- a turnaround point was set too early on a long out-and-back portion between mile 21 and 22. Truthfully, when I realized I was going to be done early I felt kind of relieved, but I also felt a little sick to my stomach since I knew this mistake was going to blow up and be a huge deal. Last year the course was long because of a similar snafu in the EXACT SAME area. I could not believe this was happening again to the new race directors!

I also thanked the sweet baby Jesus I was not working for the event anymore and wouldn't have to answer all the inevitable angry emails and Facebook posts. I mean, let's be real.


I have so many mixed feelings about this race that have zero to do with the time I ran. Really I'm just sad that an event I worked so hard on and really believed in had something this happen two years in a row. I just don't see how it can come back from this mess and that sucks because I feel like Milwaukee runners really deserve a "big city" marathon. There were so many obstacles we faced getting this event off the ground that first year and when we pulled it off it felt like the sky was the limit. Sure, the second year was stressful with the course problems (and about a million other things) but I really, really hoped it would bounce back.

When the race was sold to the new investors I walked away and just crossed my fingers super hard. I figured the new management would have its problems but I honestly still wanted the race to be successful. Other cities similar to Milwaukee's size have big marathons like this but for some reason it's just felt like an uphill battle here the whole time. I could go on and on about all the roadblocks that were thrown up back when I was on the staff but at this point it doesn't matter. They had a chance to turn it around this year and it didn't happen. It's just sad because I really believe a big event like this that celebrates the city of Milwaukee is something that SHOULD exist.

So instead I prefer to remember the finish line of that inaugural year back in 2015 when it felt like anything was possible:

Well, anything except beer at the finish. :)

Keep Going.

3:23

You have GOT to be kidding me right?  Every time I think I've done enough to get into this race they literally move the goal posts.

I've qualified SEVEN times now in 3 years (not to mention the year and a half before that I spent just attempting to qualify and falling short). *Finally* I get a finish time with a buffer I'm absolutely sure will be a lock and this is the year the cutoff is larger than it's ever been before. (I qualified with  2 minutes 48 seconds under my standard but this year they ended up accepting 3 minutes 23. Confused? This might help explain.)

If I didn't care so much it would almost comical.

I'm actually a little embarrassed at how much I care sometimes but at this point I've put so much time and energy and training into this so how could I not be emotionally invested?

Scrolling through comments on internet forums I see people saying just run faster! Well that's a novel idea! Do you think I haven't tried? Believe me if I could just run 5 to 10 minutes faster and be guaranteed a spot I would have done it by now. I have worked HARD for every second I've earned against the marathon, beginning nine years ago back when I ran my very first in 4 hours 26 minutes. When I finally hit my first Boston qualifying time back in 2015, I squeaked by with just 19 seconds to spare. Since then I've qualified by 46 seconds, 55 seconds, 1:03, 1:28, 2:23 and finally 2:48.

The first year I missed the cut I knew it was coming. There was no way I was getting in with a margin that small. The second year I felt pretty confident with a 1:03 under since I had heard that marathon participation was down nationally and fewer people were qualifying for Boston across the board.

HA. Lies! Interest was higher than ever and the cut off was -2:09.

So this year I finally felt like I was a lock with my -2:48. I had to be since the cutoff had never ever been higher that 2:28, right? Then..... Surprise! *gut punch*

Ok, deep breaths. I realize the Boston Marathon owes me nothing. If it was easy to to get into the race then everyone would do it- and then how would that be a challenge? I also realize in the grand scheme of things this is one of the first-worldiest problems a person can have. I mean seriously, how many more important things are going on on the world right now? (Hint: Just about all the things.)

I've been telling myself for quite some time now that I shouldn't be upset because I have a really good life filled with very good things. That allowing myself to feel sad about this means that I'm being ungrateful for everything that I'm so lucky to have. Every time I've had a setback I always tell people, "If this is what I have to complain about in life then I'm doing ok." And then a friend of mine said to me:

That's a good outlook but it's ok to be upset.

.

Huh. I mean, she had a point.

I'm allowed to feel things. It doesn't make me a bad person to be upset when I've worked really really hard for something and been denied by moving target that keeps changing year to year. I can take a minute to feel sad and angry and frustrated that in any other year what I've done would have been enough.

I take heart in the fact that both my kids have seen me work for this for quite some time now. They've seen me try and fail big, try and come thisclose, and try and just have shitty luck. At the very least I have been able to show them that you absolutely don't give up. I've set a goal for myself and I'm not going to stop until I've seen it all the way through. Hard work will always pay off in the end.

And so I keep going.

The Waiting Game

Right now I'm pretty much in nonstop obsession mode over whether or not I'll get into the 2018 Boston Marathon. I have a -2:48 cushion this year which historically would get me into EVERY past race that had a cutoff- but with my luck the line will be drawn and 2:49 this year so I'm trying temper my expectations until they finally make the announcement in about 10 days.

TRYING to temper my expectations. *cough*

When I'm not obsessing over the 2018 cutoff time, I instead turn my attention to obsessing over my current training. I've had a pretty solid 9 weeks back since my time off and I've even made some adjustments as well to try to maximize this shortened training cycle. I've been running a hilly 9-mile trail route once a week and I've added in some extra workouts at my goal marathon pace (in addition to the usual once-a-week speed/interval sessions I usually do.) For the most part I feel like it's been paying off, although I was experiencing some pain in my left heel for a couple of weeks so I spent a lot of time icing/stretching and taping it up to get that to subside. I was able to run through it the whole time it was acting up but now that it's on the mend I'm excited to get back to running pain-free for my taper into Lakefront Marathon.

What's that? I'm running Lakefront Marathon now?

I know, I was just talking about how smart I was for giving myself more time to train for a fall marathon by doing the Milwaukee Marathon on October 15th and then I go signing up for a race that takes place 2 weeks earlier. I do have reasons though!

The main reason is the course itself. I love the MKE Marathon course that runs through the city, but I know it's a hilly route and probably not the best bet for a PR for me. On top of that there are about a million turns which means I have to bee 100% on point in running the tangents to get anything close to 26.2 miles. On the flip side the Lakefront course is point-to-point (with only a few turns) and every time I've run it before it comes out closer to 26.2 than any other race I've done.

Because of this I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be ready in two weeks to go all out. I'm not entirely sure if it's the right decision but it's the once I'm going with. I've done this race so many times that I know the route practically in my sleep! I'm just hoping that my cumulative training over the years carries me through whatever I'm lacking in this particular marathon cycle.

In other news I ran the Brewers 10K last weekend. This is a race that usually kills me due to a couple of really brutal hills in the middle but this time I decided not to worry about my watch and run by feel instead. And it was pretty solid! I definitely slowed on the hills but I didn't let it freak me out and I rebounded faster at the top of each one. I felt super strong going into the final mile and finished with a huge kick (something I've never done at a 10K before.)

So...the next two weeks I'll be busy tapering and refreshing my email looking for a Boston confirmation-basically driving myself crazy in a nutshell.

On Being a Smart Adult About Things

We get wiser as we get older right? At least in theory. After finishing 20+ marathons I'd like to think I've gotten smarter about training over the years. Case in point: After finishing the Bloop Marathon in April I registered for the Last Chance to BQ Marathon coming up on September 9th in hopes of lowering my Boston qualifying time. (Right now I'm sitting on a BQ -2 minutes and 48 seconds so even a minute would give me a better chance of getting into the race in 2018.) I had grand plans of coming back from my European vacation feeling super refreshed and ready to melt 5+ more minutes off of my marathon time. 

Well, a funny thing happened: I came back from vacation and dove headfirst back into training.... and promptly fell flat on my face. Or rather things in general just fell flat? I expected to feel sluggish after three weeks off but I'm not exactly sure why I thought I could get back in to peak shape again by early September. Not only had I never taken such a large break but did I forget that oh, I had completed a 100K in June? I tend to recover fast but I'm not magic. 

I knew the first week back would be rough. Even the second week. But as the third week started and I still the heavy legs/fast heart rate combo I was starting to lose my patience. I knew the fitness would come back eventually but it was just a matter of when? Looking at how many weeks I had until September 9th I knew it would be ill advised to try to push another BQ attempt so soon when I was literally just starting to get my feet under me again. (Pardon the pun.)

So I canceled my hotel in Illinois for Last Chance and set my sights on a race farther down the road- a little race called the Milwaukee Marathon on October 15th. This gives me 5 more weeks to train and what amounts to a full marathon training cycle instead of trying to force something to happen. And what do you know, after a couple more weeks of plugging along I've FINALLY started to feel like myself again! Sure, some of it has to do with the humidity finally dissipating but also taking the pressure off of myself and allowing my body to come back at it's own pace has definitely played a part in things. Yesterday, for the first time in a loooong time I nailed a tough speed workout and I finally was able to visualize myself reaching the goals I've set out for this fall.

Post run success at the lighthouse!

Unfortunately the Milwaukee Marathon is a qualifier for Boston 2019 so I have no choice but to cross my fingers and hope I get into 2018 with the time I've already got. BUT, if I DO get in and I run a faster time on October 15th I can use that time to move up in the corrals in Boston on race day.

Plus I'm still convinced this nearly 40-year old has a couple of marathon PRs in her.

Thoughts on the Titletown Utlramarathon: Better Late Than Never

I suppose it's been a while? You probably wouldn't think I'd run my longest race ever and then just fall off the planet for a couples of months... but here we are.

I didn't literally fall off the planet. I did travel around the planet for some time which was amazing. It just so worked out that after I completed the Titletown Ultramarathon (where I logged my very first 100K!) my family and I picked up and left for the most bonkers travel adventure through Germany, Austria and Switzerland. It would have been a fantastic getaway just on its own but taking that time to take a break from running (and a lot of other things in the world) was the absolute best way to let my body and mind recover from the monster training cycle I began this past January. It feels a little strange to go back two months and try to recapture how I felt at the race but I do like to rehash the bigger races I complete so I'll give it a stab.

I'm not really sure why I had such a laid back attitude about approaching 100 kilometers. It's not that I think I'm super good at running ultras, I just didn't let any negativity leak into my brain throughout the training process. It probably helped that the first block of my training was focused on trying to lock down some better Boston Qualifying times at the Circular Logic and Bloop Marathons back in April. I didn't turn my full attention to Titletown until after the Bloop was behind me and by then I already had a HUGE base I could launch from. I also think my decision to use this race to fundraise for Girls Rock Milwaukee gave me the feeling that no matter what happened on race day, I was going to find a way complete the race. How could I not after everyone donated all that money? I remember saying to myself the week of the event, "There is really no reason why you won't be able to finish." Obviously, the rational side of my brain knows that a catastrophic injury would surely end the race for me- but barring anything crazy I should be able to stay on my feet and get the thing done. Being a 15.5 hour timed event, my goal of 62 miles meant I could go at a very conservative pace and I could afford to do a lot of walking. (Oh and believe me I did!)

The race was a loop course of a little under 5 miles and there were three events: a 6 hour, an 8 hour and a 15.5 hour. We literally ran loops from sunrise to sunset on a trail that wound its way around the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay campus. The trail was a mix of everything- dirt, wood chips, crushed limestone and little bit of asphalt near the start/finish. It's not a road race, but it it's also not a super technical, tough trail race either. Still, 62 miles is 62 miles right? RIGHT. Let's not act like this stuff is easy.

Sample viewing of the course

I admit that running ultras is not always the smartest thing. Or at least not the most understandable thing? There were some times during the later miles where I was literally saying out loud (to no one), "THIS IS STUPID. I'M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN." And while can't say for sure they're not stupid... I do know I'll find myself doing it again. There's something really alluring about knowing you will be out on the trail all day with nothing to do except put one foot in front of the other. It doesn't matter how fast you go, you just GO. I didn't have anywhere else to be, anyone to worry about ,or anything to do. I could just be there in whatever moment I was in, move forward, and breathe.

Moving forward and breathing.

Most of the day seemed to fly by. It's funny how when you let go of everything you become less conscious the passing of time. Looking back at my Garmin now I can see that for much of the race I was averaging around one loop per hour but I didn't have any pacing plan or strategy going in other than "Walk the hills. Eat what you want when you want."  This seemed to work for the most part other than instead of eating food all I really wanted to do all day was drink soda. I don't tend to drink it in my "normal" everyday life but during ultras and long trail runs I always crave it so I slammed a cup of Coke or ginger ale at every aid station and it gave me a boost every time. I suppose I'm lucky it didn't backfire? I'm a firm believer though that your body knows what it needs in situations like these- or at least my body does- so things were good. I did also partake of a slice of pizza and a beer when offered it on my final lap, which may or may not have saved my life. At that point I was full on walking so I knew I could at least stumble it into a finish.

No actual runners were harmed at this event.

So yeah, things were decent and time flew by but I didn't feel awesome the entire time because despite my nickname I'm not an actual robot. The major thing that worked for me when times eventually got dark was to drop kick any negative thoughts straight out of my mind. Yes, there were points where I did say that ultrarunning is dumb and I'm never doing it again- but every time I started to think that I told myself to SAVE IT for when the race was done. I let the thought happen and then I tucked it away for later. There would be plenty of time to evaluate my feelings when I was back at the hotel, showered and shoveling a Culver's cheeseburger into my face. (Yes, that happened.) In the moment though, those thoughts are not going to help me, so I turned them off like a lightswitch, Book of Mormom-style.

Jazz hands!

I finished 62.65 miles in 14 hours! That last loop especially was a saaaad little walk shuffle. Plus, when I got to the "finish" I was only at 61.75 miles so they informed me if I wanted to get credit for 100K I had to hoof it almost ANOTHER mile down the road to the first aid station and someone would give me a ride back form there. Yes, I technically could have tried to fit in another full loop since the course was still open for another hour and a half but um... no. I took that car ride back. I was super proud of myself for completing my 100K goal and honestly at this point my brain had shut off, seeing no reason to take even one more extra step.

Swag

I don't have a finishers photo because I forgot to ask someone to take my picture when I rang the gong after I was done. (Yes there was a gong. It was awesome.) I did get a sweet mug though and a hat and a finishers shirt and oh, the satisfaction of reaching a goal that I worked really hard for so I'll take that over another sweaty photo of me to post on the internet.

I know there's tons of stuff I'm forgetting, especially because the experience softens over time and the feeling of accomplishment washes away the parts where my legs felt like they were on fire and I was questioning the meaning of life. Overall I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I raised over $1000 for Girls Rock Milwaukee. And I'm glad I got the chance to step away from running for a bit afterward and let my body recover.

But now I'm back and that's another chapter but I've already written enough for tonight so I'll save it for next time. :)

Bleep Blop Bloop: A Race Report

So.... I won a race! Sure, it was a teeny tiny race with only a handful of runners but that doesn't change the fact that I was the first female marathon finisher! As my daughter Juliana said when I tried to downplay it afterward: "You showed up and did the thing!"

Official finish time: 3:42:12

Not only did I show up and do the thing, I shaved another 25 seconds off that dang BQ time that is still hanging over my head.

Ugh, that BQ time. I really really wish I could have run a sub-3:40 and guaranteed my entry for 2018 but my body was definitely not recovered from the marathon a ran four weeks ago. I'm not even really sure how I managed this one at all, other than pure strength of will. The "plan" was to just show up and see what happened. If I felt like crap I was totally going to take it easy and just use it as a "training run" for the 15-hour ultra I'm running in June. BUT, if I felt good I was going to ride that Boston qualifying pace for as long as possible.

The Starting Line: Where hopes and dreams live.

I felt.... eh? Not bad enough to shift out of race mode but also not *good* enough to feel optimistic about my chances. I was hanging on to an 8:20 pace but I knew I was WORKING for it. My heart rate definitely felt higher than it was at the Circular Logic Marathon earlier this month. BUT, I didn't bonk like a chump this time! Sure I faded the last third of the race but I didn't completely fall apart. It was actually right before mile 22 when something clicked. I was already off of a sub-3:40 pace so I was having an internal conversation with myself trying to give myself permission to jog the final four miles in. I wasn't going to get into the 3:30s so why push it? Then when I looped by the start/finish at mile 22 my friend Bill (who was the race announcer) came up to me and pointed out the woman just in front of me and said

"THAT'S THE FIRST PLACE FEMALE RIGHT NOW."

Initially I rolled my eyes and groaned. I think I said something like, "Uhhhhh don't tell me that!" (Or at least I thought it.) I looked at her up ahead and thought there is no way I can speed up and catch her the way I'm feeling right now.

But... I kept at it. I didn't speed up, but I didn't slow down either. I told myself, "I have four miles. Maybe I can slowly chip away at it and then kick it up at the end?"

I should have given myself more credit! It only took one more mile and I realized that while I was holding a steady pace, she was clearly slowing down. I passed her just before mile 23 and promptly FREAKED OUT. I knew I wasn't going to get my PR today but I suddenly had a new, incredible goal. I WAS GOING TO WIN THIS RACE.

I spent the final three miles hanging on to my pace by the teeniest of threads, all the while wondering when the woman I passed was going to find a second wind and come charging back. I literally had nothing left in the tank so if she had made a move I was fully prepared to let her go. I just focused on the ground in front of me, swinging my arms and mentally willing my body to keep moving forward. Part of me felt silly for wanting my 3:4X marathon self to win so bad when it's not a race pace anywhere near worth bragging about- but when else was this ever going to happen to me? And at a race that was practically in my own back yard in Bay View! COME ON.

Yay! Turn the Garmin off. Try not to barf.

I won!

A Boston qualifying time -2:48 in the women's 40-44 age group. My biggest qualifying margin yet (although not a PR since my earlier, faster BQs were run when I was still in the 35-39 age group.)

I may or may not have signed up for a Last Chance to BQ race in September. Goddammit.

2:23

2:23. That's what I have to work with.

I ran a 3:42:37 at Circular Logic two weeks ago- that's 2 minutes and 23 seconds faster than my Boston Qualifying standard for 2018. (Since I'll be 40 in 2018, the qualifying time for my new age group is now 3:45 instead of 3:40.)

Dang! I really don't know if that is going to be enough!

I don't know why I couldn't force out a couple more minutes and get under 3:40 again. I really just started to crumble at mile 19 and my legs felt like Jell-O. No matter what I did I couldn't hold that 8:15 pace anymore and I lost about a minute per mile from then until the the finish. It felt terrible.
So on a perfect weather day on a flat course and great training I couldn't run the time I ran last year (3:38) when there were 30mph winds. Have I mentioned marathons are infuriating?

My mind is spinning right now because even though a BQ -2:23 would have gotten me in this year, there are no guarantees it will get me in for 2018. Seriously with my luck I feel like the cut off next year will be 2:24.The only thing that will guarantee me entry is if I get 5 minutes under my time (which was my goal at Circular Logic. Oops.)

At this point it's not even about Boston itself anymore. It's about finishing something I started.

Focus

Here's the thing: I'm super bad at race week. Sure I follow all the usual rules. I run less, I stretch more, I stay hydrated, blah blah. But it's like I'm literally incapable of thinking about anything else other than race day which is now....5 days away. I'm almost embarrassed to say how much time I spend obsessing over my pace plan, reading race recaps and weather forecasts on the internet, and scouring over all of my training logs from the past 15 weeks.

Which brings me to something I always marvel over at his point. Just how cool is the human body?Back in January I rode the struggle bus to finish a half marahon in 1:51 after coming off of a holiday vacation. But two weeks ago I knocked out a 1:46 half feeling like it was an *easy* training run as part of a 20 mile day. NEAT. It's just so satisfying to look back at all my Strava runs and see the progression happen, even though I didn't feel like it was happening at the time.

What's that? CONSISTENCY. 

So now I just have a couple of easy runs to round out my training and I'm positively giddy. I know that even if I just run EXACTLY what I did last year at this race I will be guaranteed a spot for Boston 2018 simply because I'm aging up to the 40-44 age group. But....

I know I can do better than *just* matching last year. I feel like I've been building to a big breakthrough race for a couple of years now and now is the time for me to finally put the pieces together. No more 30 second mini-PRs or BQ squeakers that leave me on the sidelines. If I know anything right now it's that I deserve a good race. That's Deserve with a Capital D.

Current mood