Keep Going.

3:23

You have GOT to be kidding me right?  Every time I think I've done enough to get into this race they literally move the goal posts.

I've qualified SEVEN times now in 3 years (not to mention the year and a half before that I spent just attempting to qualify and falling short). *Finally* I get a finish time with a buffer I'm absolutely sure will be a lock and this is the year the cutoff is larger than it's ever been before. (I qualified with  2 minutes 48 seconds under my standard but this year they ended up accepting 3 minutes 23. Confused? This might help explain.)

If I didn't care so much it would almost comical.

I'm actually a little embarrassed at how much I care sometimes but at this point I've put so much time and energy and training into this so how could I not be emotionally invested?

Scrolling through comments on internet forums I see people saying just run faster! Well that's a novel idea! Do you think I haven't tried? Believe me if I could just run 5 to 10 minutes faster and be guaranteed a spot I would have done it by now. I have worked HARD for every second I've earned against the marathon, beginning nine years ago back when I ran my very first in 4 hours 26 minutes. When I finally hit my first Boston qualifying time back in 2015, I squeaked by with just 19 seconds to spare. Since then I've qualified by 46 seconds, 55 seconds, 1:03, 1:28, 2:23 and finally 2:48.

The first year I missed the cut I knew it was coming. There was no way I was getting in with a margin that small. The second year I felt pretty confident with a 1:03 under since I had heard that marathon participation was down nationally and fewer people were qualifying for Boston across the board.

HA. Lies! Interest was higher than ever and the cut off was -2:09.

So this year I finally felt like I was a lock with my -2:48. I had to be since the cutoff had never ever been higher that 2:28, right? Then..... Surprise! *gut punch*

Ok, deep breaths. I realize the Boston Marathon owes me nothing. If it was easy to to get into the race then everyone would do it- and then how would that be a challenge? I also realize in the grand scheme of things this is one of the first-worldiest problems a person can have. I mean seriously, how many more important things are going on on the world right now? (Hint: Just about all the things.)

I've been telling myself for quite some time now that I shouldn't be upset because I have a really good life filled with very good things. That allowing myself to feel sad about this means that I'm being ungrateful for everything that I'm so lucky to have. Every time I've had a setback I always tell people, "If this is what I have to complain about in life then I'm doing ok." And then a friend of mine said to me:

That's a good outlook but it's ok to be upset.

.

Huh. I mean, she had a point.

I'm allowed to feel things. It doesn't make me a bad person to be upset when I've worked really really hard for something and been denied by moving target that keeps changing year to year. I can take a minute to feel sad and angry and frustrated that in any other year what I've done would have been enough.

I take heart in the fact that both my kids have seen me work for this for quite some time now. They've seen me try and fail big, try and come thisclose, and try and just have shitty luck. At the very least I have been able to show them that you absolutely don't give up. I've set a goal for myself and I'm not going to stop until I've seen it all the way through. Hard work will always pay off in the end.

And so I keep going.

The Waiting Game

Right now I'm pretty much in nonstop obsession mode over whether or not I'll get into the 2018 Boston Marathon. I have a -2:48 cushion this year which historically would get me into EVERY past race that had a cutoff- but with my luck the line will be drawn and 2:49 this year so I'm trying temper my expectations until they finally make the announcement in about 10 days.

TRYING to temper my expectations. *cough*

When I'm not obsessing over the 2018 cutoff time, I instead turn my attention to obsessing over my current training. I've had a pretty solid 9 weeks back since my time off and I've even made some adjustments as well to try to maximize this shortened training cycle. I've been running a hilly 9-mile trail route once a week and I've added in some extra workouts at my goal marathon pace (in addition to the usual once-a-week speed/interval sessions I usually do.) For the most part I feel like it's been paying off, although I was experiencing some pain in my left heel for a couple of weeks so I spent a lot of time icing/stretching and taping it up to get that to subside. I was able to run through it the whole time it was acting up but now that it's on the mend I'm excited to get back to running pain-free for my taper into Lakefront Marathon.

What's that? I'm running Lakefront Marathon now?

I know, I was just talking about how smart I was for giving myself more time to train for a fall marathon by doing the Milwaukee Marathon on October 15th and then I go signing up for a race that takes place 2 weeks earlier. I do have reasons though!

The main reason is the course itself. I love the MKE Marathon course that runs through the city, but I know it's a hilly route and probably not the best bet for a PR for me. On top of that there are about a million turns which means I have to bee 100% on point in running the tangents to get anything close to 26.2 miles. On the flip side the Lakefront course is point-to-point (with only a few turns) and every time I've run it before it comes out closer to 26.2 than any other race I've done.

Because of this I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be ready in two weeks to go all out. I'm not entirely sure if it's the right decision but it's the once I'm going with. I've done this race so many times that I know the route practically in my sleep! I'm just hoping that my cumulative training over the years carries me through whatever I'm lacking in this particular marathon cycle.

In other news I ran the Brewers 10K last weekend. This is a race that usually kills me due to a couple of really brutal hills in the middle but this time I decided not to worry about my watch and run by feel instead. And it was pretty solid! I definitely slowed on the hills but I didn't let it freak me out and I rebounded faster at the top of each one. I felt super strong going into the final mile and finished with a huge kick (something I've never done at a 10K before.)

So...the next two weeks I'll be busy tapering and refreshing my email looking for a Boston confirmation-basically driving myself crazy in a nutshell.