Groundhog Day: Circular Logic Race Report

3:38:57.

BQ. Number. Three.

Yet.... still no moment. No feeling of "I've made it!" It's still not enough.

Once again, there's the pride of having run another PR. I'm really happy that I have *technically* qualified again for the Boston Marathon.... but a BQ -1:03 is presumably still not good enough to meet the the inevitable cut-off time time for 2017. (This year it was 2:28. TWO FREAKING TWENTY-EIGHT.)

Have you heard this story before?

Overall, I'm really happy with how I ran at this race.The big difference this time around is that I ran strong the entire race instead of struggling to finish under 3:40. There was no bonk, no hanging on for dear life after mile 19. Quite honestly, Mother Nature decided to take a big dump on the midwest this weekend.

It pains me to even hint like I'm making excuses but I feel the need to mention that I ran this marathon in 30+ mph winds. I also feel lucky that I completed the race in time I did since it started to hail just minutes after I finished. This is literally what happened at this race in the final hour:

I know, gross.

It really wasn't the best conditions to go for a speedy time but I drove 3 1/2 half hours to run twenty-six 1-mile loops. There was no way I was going to drop out of this race halfway because of some wind.

This is my running into the wind face

My plan for the most part was to run between an 8:05 and 8:15 pace but with the course being a 1-mile loop I would hit the headwind every time around.  I knew that I was going to need to ease up running into the wind and try to take advantage of the wind at my back on the other half and hopefully make up for lost speed. Here's what my pace analysis on Strava looked like:

I'd be laughing if it wasn't so utterly frustrating. Like I said before, despite the wind I still felt so strong! I was executing my plan, feeling relaxed and not stressing out too much about the unfavorable conditions- until the wind began to pick up even more. In the last 45 minutes Mother Nature decided to kick it up yet another notch and each time I went into the headwind it was like running into a wall. Adding to my frustration was that all the faster runners had to run out the outside of the mile loop, making it impossible to run the tangents and adding an extra .4 miles to the course. When I realized how many minutes this was going to add to my race, my heart sank. I've run enough marathons to know that most courses measure long on GPS devices and because of this I always budget an extra .25 miles into my race plan.... I finished with 26.6 miles. Funny enough, this is pretty much exactly the difference between me making the cutoff to Boston.

Hahahahaha. Ha.

Oh hey, I got third female overall!

I won an overall award! That never happens.

You know, it's almost becoming comical at this point. I cherrypick a race that on paper seems to guarantee me the result that I'm shooting for and yet another obstacle gets thrown in my path. I don't know what I could have done differently honestly. If I went out faster I only would have crashed at the end. I feel like my pacing strategy as sound, my nutrition was on point and for the first time in a long time I actually tapered well (thanks vacation!) Much like the Wisconsin Marathon last year, the one thing I missed was the thing I have no control over whatsoever.

I do have to say though that aside from the weather trials and tribulations this race really impressed me. The event had that close-knit "run club" kind of vibe to it, much like the Icebreaker Indoor Marathon here in Milwaukee. The race director and organizers really had their act together and I felt encouraged and welcomed by all the volunteers and spectators. (I had a crew of ladies who cheered me on every loop that I looked forward to every time around!) I also felt like having an aid station every lap really helped me lock down my hydration and nutrition- something I've struggled with in past races.

After mile 16 I kept counting down, "10 laps until Boston, 9 laps until Boston, 8 laps until..." I really thought I had it.

 Goddammit.

I'm registered for the Oshkosh Marathon in a couple of weeks because fuck this I'm a fighter.

Lakefront Marathon 2015- BQ #2

Yay?

It's a been over a month since Lakefront Marathon and I'm finally getting around to absorbing it. I had the best intentions of writing a recap the week after the race when I was recovering but I ended up pretty much diving headfirst into preparations for the inaugural Milwaukee Running Festival (which is another story I need to write***.) That whole business was an absolute whirlwind that didn't really settle down until about a week ago- after which I then retreated into a cocoon of crime television, fantasy football strategizing, beer drinking and naps. It's been kind of glorious, actually.

I need to process things in chronological order though. Thus, the Lakefront Marathon recap comes first.

So back to how this entry started:

Yay?

That's exactly how I felt when I finished Lakefront this year. 3:39:24. Another PR(!), my second Boston qualifier this year(!) yet... still not good enough to make the new Boston cutoff of at least 2 minutes and 30 seconds faster than a qualifying time.  WOMP. I know I run the risk of sounding ungrateful for what I'm able to do, but honestly knowing that another damn 3:39 time will not get me into the actual race really takes the shine off of what was a pretty good race for me.

What went wrong is kind of unimportant at this point. For some reason (I suspect improper fueling/hydration) I started getting really dizzy around mile 18. I felt a little disoriented like I might pass out so I stopped to drink some Gatorade. After stopping a couple more times to get more electrolytes in me I started to feel better but I had already fallen off pace at this point. That's the story. I didn't check all the boxes I needed to check and it cost me in the end.

Yes, I still finished with a smile on my face. I pulled out a sub-3:40 when I thought even that was lost! I'm really proud of myself for not throwing in the towel. But I'm still chasing that feeling. The feeling of getting to that finish line and knowing that I have crushed my goal without a shred of a doubt.  The feeling of knowing I will be able to actually register for the race that I've been trying to qualify for over the past two years. That feeling is something I have yet to experience and it's what drives me still.


*** MRF recap to come and will have a lot more words and feelings to sort through.

I FINALLY DID THE THING: Rockford Marathon BQ!

Refresh.

Refresh.

Refresh.

The entire week leading up to Rockford Marathon I kept five different weather tabs open on my laptop. Every time there was a lull in whatever I was working on, or if I hadn't checked in the past oh, 30 minutes or so I would click over to them and go down the line:

Refresh.

Refresh.

Refresh.

I thought someone must be playing some kind of cruel joke on me by forecasting 40 degree temperatures on race morning. Obviously, this was going to change and I would be slogging through unbearable heat and humidity (or both) like I expected when I registered for the race.

It wasn't until Friday afternoon when the temperature in Milwaukee started to take a sharp nosedive that I started to actually believe that this thing could possibly go my way.  I mean, the only missing piece to my puzzle was the weather, right? I felt like if I couldn't pull this race off when everything tipped in my favor then I really had no excuses left.

I drove to Rockford on Saturday afternoon so I could pick up my race packet. They do have race day pick up but I was antsy, and I wanted to make extra triple sure I had been switched from the half to the full marathon like I requested. Pickup at the Clock Tower was super no-frills and I was in and out in probably 5 minutes flat. (Bonus: The postcards we sent for the PNC Milwaukee Running Festival were in the bags!) 

I still had some time to kill before I needed to meet my dad for dinner so I decided to drive down to the race start. On the way I stopped at a nifty t-shirt shop called Rockford Art Deli and picked up an "I Heart Illinois" sweatshirt with Abe Lincoln and the Sears Tower on it. (Yes, I can totally love both Illinois and Wisconsin and no you can't stop me.) Once I was down there I thought, why not drive the course? I certainly didn't want a repeat of th course shenanigans at the Chitown Half Marathon in April. I pulled the map up on my phone and drove most of it (except for the parts it hops on the bike path.) This made me feel good because I was also able to scope out the long uphill stretch I was concerned about. It didn't look too bad driving it but because the course was 2 loops I knew the second time through this section would hurt. 

Course Exhibit A

When I got back to just before the finish, I pulled my car over at the top of the hill at what would be mile 26 and tried to visualize coming down the last stretch seeing the clock at 3:3X:XX. It may sound hippy dippy but it felt like something I needed to do.

The rest of the evening was pretty standard pre-marathon stuff: Pasta dinner at Capri (a classic Rockford Italian restaurant) with my dad, brother and sister-in-law, followed by general race prep fussing and bed by 9pm at my dad's house. I set my alarm for 4am since the race started at 6 and I like to have plenty of time to eat, drink coffee and get ready. Lights out.

-------------

Obviously I woke up and went to the bathroom about a half dozen times and eventually woke up about 5 minutes before my alarm at 3:55. I wasn't tired at all. The first thing I did was check my tweets and texts and saw this from Jason (who was back in Milwaukee with the girls.)

Something about that really struck me and I kept thinking about it. (Pssst. Foreshadowing.)

I got ready in about 15 minutes and basically just waited around for coffee to clear out my system before going. (Truth.)  During this time I got a message from my good friend Shiow in Chicago and she informed me that her plans for the day were canceled and that the would be coming in to cheer for me! I sent her the proper cheer coordinates and felt pretty excited since I thought no one would be there on the course. My dad also woke up and paced around with me even though he swore up and down he would never get up this early. He told me he would drive down to see me at the finish later and I was out the door at 5am.

General pre-race stuff. Blah blah. I dropped my bag at the start and stretched a bit. It was cold! Awesome. I think it was about 44 degrees- although clouds would have been nice. One thing I definitely noticed was the wind coming pretty strong out of the north. I got a text from my friend Chris warning me about the wind projected for the day and he told me to tuck in behind other runners and draft in a headwind. I wondered how much I would be able to do this at a small race? I was a tad worried about this development.

Onward. So this event is super low key. They call it a "runner's race" but sometimes I think that's just code for "cheap?" This would be my fifth time running it and although it's always pretty well organized and full of great volunteers, it's still very, very no frills. Last year they didn't put on the marathon at all (only the half and 10K due to money issues) so this was the first year back for the full. This year there was no one announcing anything at the start until about 2 minutes before the race started. Not even an national anthem? Weird. Somebody just picked up a mic a minute before 6am and counted us down. Ok then. We were off!

Oh hey, I guess I'm doing this again. After 22 weeks of training and a DNF 4 weeks ago. I was so excited that I didn't realize that my Garmin didn't actually start when I pressed it. Balls! When I finally got it started I wasn't sure how many seconds had went by. (Pssst. More foreshadowing.) I tried not to let this bother me too much though and began to settle in. My strategy this time was to play it super conservative. The first 6 miles were going to be going north, directly into the wind I was worried about earlier- and also a steady uphill for about 2 of those miles. The week leading up to the race I was considering going for a 3:35 based on my training but in the end I decided there was no way I was going to risk bonking again so my plan was to aim for just under a 3:40- about 3:38ish. I decided I would go out at an 8:15 pace for at least the first 13 miles and re-evaluate there. The cool weather made the pace feel pretty ok but because of the wind and the uphill I wouldn't call it "easy." Still I felt optimistic! We always do in the first 6 miles right?

On the way north on the first loop I was lucky to tuck in behind some half marathoners. The were chatting and having fun and I was right behind them trying to shield myself from the wind. I felt like I was dealing with it ok andI kept telling myself it would all pay off on the way back south when I would have the wind at my back. I managed the 2 mile climb without faltering but I knew it would be a killer on the second loop. 

Course Exhibit B

Around mile 7 or so we crossed the river and headed back south. I was surprised that i didn't immediately feel a strong tailwind at my back to balance everything out. Lame! The air did feel super calm though so at least I didn't have the wind in my face anymore. Also, I was going to see Shiow at mile 12! I took this opportunity to guzzle the rest of the water in my handheld. I figure if I had a friend to refill for me I would take advantage of it. There was no way I was going to end up a dehydrated mess like I did in Kenosha four weeks ago. Around this time I saw a woman with a sign that said "What Would Harry Potter Do?" Honestly I was confused. I thought about yelling "Accio Finish Line!" at her but decided to save my energy. 

This stretch of the course is the best since most of it is on a bike path right next to the river. It's super pretty and FLAT and there are people around to cheer you on at various points. And then I saw Shiow! She has cheered for me at multiple races (where I've failed to meet my goal- womp) but she always wears a bright tomato red hoodie that I can see from far away. When I saw the hoodie I pumped my fist in the air. Woooooooo! She ran beside me and asked me how I was doing and I said pretty good, but would she refill my bottle for me before I saw her again at 18. 

Rockford's "Symbol" sculpture. Being symbolic of something. (No I did not take this during the actual race.)

She took off and I felt like I got a huge boost. Although this section of the course was great I felt like the second loop was looming hard- especially that hard trip back north into the wind. Seeing Shiow got me energized and I trucked onward, passing the half marathon mark in 1:48:19. Nice, but I didn't have a lot of wiggle room if I slowed down. (Ahem. Foreshadowing.)

So here I was re-evaluating my pace at the half. I felt pretty good but I also didn't want to risk speeding up when I knew miles 13-18 were going to be the uphill/windy section again. After the half marathoners finish it get's pretty desolate at this race too so I wouldn't have any one to draft off of. I decided to stick with an 8:15-ish pace and check back in again when we hit the turnaround. 

This was wise. The second time out was exactly what I expected. The hills felt hillier and the wind felt winder. Luckily I don't mind races where I'm alone because that's pretty much what it was like. I always had someone on sight ahead of me but I was never running "with" anyone after this point. I allowed myself to slow just a bit during miles 15 and 17 since these where the more significant inclines. I figured I could make it up when we hit a big downhill at 18.5. I saw Shiow again at the top of the larger hill before 18 and she handed me my water bottle back. Backstory: this is where I dropped out in Kenosha so it felt awesome to grab the water bottle and shout that I was going to do this thing! Shiow wooo-ed at me and said she was headed to the finish and I made my way to the glorious glorious downhill.

Mile 19.5 I finally got to turn away from the wind and head south towards the finish. Only about an hour left to go! Ooof. This was when I hoped to kick it into another gear and sail to a 3:35-3:36ish finish but.... waaaah. Maybe the wind took more out of me than I expected or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Whatever. I couldn't speed up but I was going to try like hell to hold on to whatever I had left. I started thinking about that tweet from Jason. I kept saying to myself, "TODAY IS FOR YOU." Because eff missing my goal again! Today was my day whether it wanted to be or not. I was going to MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN. 

Again, where was my tailwind? Those last 6 miles of racing a marathon are going to feel like a butt no matter what. Maybe the tailwind was there but I didn't feel it. At this point I was clinging to whatever I had left. When I got to mile 22 I was pretty sure I had enough of a buffer to still get a 3:38 as long as I ran under 8:45 minute miles but dammit math is not what my brain was wanting to do right now. Also, I had no idea how many extra seconds my Garmin didn't pick up at the begining of the race. I passed a few runners who were fading and walking so that part felt good but overall I was so stressed out over the math at this point that I just kept pumping my arms and repeating my mantra: TODAY. TODAY IS FOR YOU.

After mile 25 we left the bike path and headed down the final, long stretch of road. It's flat and long except for the part where you can see the hill waaaay down at the end leading up to mile 26. It's one of those hills that would never really feel like a hill except for when you've run 26 miles beforehand. As I slogged my way up the hill the final song on my playlist came on. OH SHIT. If this song ended then I knew it was all over. (Lyrics: The clock keeps turning, the world keeps burning, it's life and death, we won't rest, 'til we're dust and bones...) I was pretty sure I had enough time but those last tenths of a marathon seem like an eternity. Also my Garmin was now 2 tenths of a mile ahead of the mile markers so DAMMIT MORE MATH. At the top of the hill at mile 26 (where my Garmin said 26.2 thankyouverymuch) I saw a girl with a sign that said "Touch Here For Power" with a big green button drawn on it. I slapped the cardboard button with one hand and then took my now empty water bottle and spiked it on the ground in a fury. I didn't want a single ounce of extra weight as I turned the corner and ran towards the finish. 

I rounded the corner and although I couldn't make out the clock just yet I could see Shiow's red hoodie in the distance! I punched my hand up in the air and sailed down the hill. 

As I approached got closer to the finish Shiow came out into the street and started running next to me, screaming: "GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She started dropping names of everyone who was cheering for me back at home: JASON AND SARA AND ROCHELLE ARE ALL CHEERING FOR YOU! GOOOOO! I still had probably another tenth of a mile to go and I shouted back, "WHY IS IT SO FAR AWAY?" Seriously we must have been the most ridiculous thing. I would pay so much money for a photo of this moment. (There was no official race photographer at this event. Mega-womp.) 

Anyway, the clock finally came into focus for me and it made sense why she was screaming. It said something like 3:39:XX! I was baaaaarely going to squeak this sucker in. ( I know, I can't handle the drama either.) I stared straight ahead and pushed those last couple strides out to cross the finish at 3:39:41! 

We might have won the Loudest Finish Award.

I immediately put my hands on my knees in shock that it was finally over. There was someone there snapping a bunch photos of me and it was honestly very overwhelming. (I need to figure out who this person was- I was told there was no "official" photographer but I now for a fact someone was there taking pictures of the finishers.) My knees buckled for a second and I put my hands on the ground and tried to catch my breath. I looked to my right and my dad was standing right there waiting for me! I pulled my emotional mess of a self together and went over to him and Shiow shouting, "I did it! By this much- but I did it!"

My dad and me!

Now here's the kicker: Although my time technically qualifies me for the Boston Marathon, a 3:39:41 most definitely won't be good enough to allow me to actually register for the 2016 race. They take the fastest qualifiers first and work backwards until the race fills up. Historically "BQ squeakers" don't get in. BAH. This means Im still going to have to qualify harder again at another race. (Most likely Lakefront Marathon again, which will then qualify me for 2017.) At first this might seem a little bittersweet but honestly nothing can take away from the high I felt at that last moment when I knew all my hard work was going to finally pay off down that last stretch of pavement. Even if I don't run Boston in 2016 I KNOW I DID IT. I really did it! And the long drawn out story of trying/failing/trying/failing only intensifies how accomplished I feel about finally reaching my goal. Looking back at my splits I could hem and haw over where could have gone faster but the truth is I could not have run one bit faster that I did in those last 4 miles. I left every last thing out there on the course so there's no point in second guessing things.

Exhibit C

Never ever ever when I started running did I think I would qualify for the Boston Marathon. When I finished my first marathon 5 years ago in 4:26 it never even entered my mind that it would be something I could someday do. When I ran my first sub-4 marathon it never was something I considered. When it took me 2+ years to whittle my time down to a 3:50 it still seemed like a complete fantasy. Something about Chicago Marathon in 2013 though lit a fire in me and I can't quite explain why. All I know is that I'm so glad it did.

And now I get to experience yet another awesome moment when I smash my 3:39 into oblivion this fall. :)

Wisconsin/Rockford Marathon Training Week... 21?

Yeah, I don't know either. I guess since I didn't complete my marathon in Kenosha a couple of weeks ago I'm trying to extend this thing into a 22-week training cycle (instead of an 18-week one.) Except...for the part where I did a full on taper for Wisconsin Marathon- I don't really know how to spin that. Luckily, the week after my DNF I felt completely fine. I got a ton of water and rest into my body over that weekend and jumped back in to another 60+ mile week without any problems. I ran another "fast finish" 20 miler the following Saturday because the weather was PERFECT for running (middle finger to the sky thankyouverymuch).

After that new peak week I started to "re-taper" a bit down to 40 miles. I still ran a solid speed workout though and a progressive 15 miler over the weekend. I don't feel as exhausted as I did when I first tapered for Kenosha so the meat of my taper/relaxation is starting just now, two weeks out from Rockford Marathon. 

Yep, I emailed the race director and asked to upgrade to the full. It's probably grasping at straws to expect favorable conditions on May 31st (flashbacks to Sunburst Marathon last year) but I figured if I was already planning on doing the half that I would absolutely kick myself if by some stroke of nonsense it ends up being 45 degrees and cloudy that day and I was only registered for 13.1 miles. I'm fully expecting it to be ridiculously warm and sunny on race day but this way I have an ace in my back pocket if Mother Nature decides to smile down upon me that morning. I'll at least finish a spring marathon either way. 

I'd really, really love for the chips to fall in my favor though. 

Wisconsin Marathon: DNF This

Did that really happen? The answer is unfortunately so.

As the race was unfolding, none of it seemed real. I absolutely could not believe that it was happening to me. Nope. Nope. Not on any level.

But it did happen. And after spending a week moping and channeling my inner Nancy Kerrigan I've come to the point where I just have to let that shit go. Yes, I got screwed by the weather. No, there was nothing I could do to avoid the fact that my body was not acclimated to the warmer temperature. Yes, other people had similar troubles at this race so it wasn't just in my head. No, it was not fair. Yes, it was heartbreaking to be fitter than I've ever been and have this happen.

No, there is nothing I can do to change it.

At first it didn't feel like it was that warm. 60-65 degrees is in fact very much not that warm at all. However 18 weeks of training in nothing higher than the 40s meant that it was a shock to my poor Midwestern system. Geez, even on my last couple shakeout runs leading up to Saturday it was in the 30s.

Happier times: Around mile 5.

My initial warning was a side stitch forming at mile 6. Then a super icky dry mouth feeling developed around mile 8 despite already finishing all my 22 ounces of water. The 8:15 pace I was running not only didn't feel easy- it felt like WORK. (A huuuge red flag since I ran a 7:40 pace half marathon just a few weeks ago. 8:15 should have been a breeze at this point!) After my water bottle was empty all I could think about was getting to the next aid station to hydrate more. I chugged more water around mile 12 and was immediately thirsty again a minute later. I felt like I was reenacting that scene in Spaceballs where they are lost in the desert. But you know, in Kenosha instead.

I got to mile 16 and I finally accepted that it was not happening that day. I texted my family who was waiting for me at 18 and told them I was slowing down and planned to drop out. Then I had 2 miles to come to terms with that decision so I wouldn't cry in front of them.

Mile 9ish. Beet red face. Sadness.

I've never DNF-ed a race so this was completely new
territory for me. I've mega-bonked races before and been proud of finishing them but this time it honestly didn't seem like it would be a wise decision to keep going. Looking at it from a technical perspective, I can tell myself I didn't put my body through the stress of completing 26.2 miles so I can log it as a long tempo run. I can "save" my legs and extend my training cycle a few weeks and maybe try again at another race at the end of the month.

Still it stings like a bitch. More than any other bad race I've ever had.

All I want to do is have my hard work pay off on a race day. I absolutely know I can do this. 18 weeks of the most amazing training and I'm left with... what? It's beyond frustrating. I feel like I'm on the verge of this huge breakthrough but it's just taking it's damn sweet time getting here.

When I finally smash through this wall it's going to be so good.

Fuck Yeah: Wisconsin Marathon Training Week 15

I made it to taper! This is undoubtedly the longest, hardest, most intense training cycle I've done. And I'm no slacker! (Also: Not a euphemism.) The past two weeks were definitely crazy. I ran the Chitown Half Marathon on the 11th and although I *technically* PR-ed the distance, my uber-smart self managed to make a wrong turn and add an extra .6 miles to the course. I realize that it's not unusual to run an extra tenth or even two at a race but I literally ran the wrong direction and had to double back. Ugh. It was kind of the worst when it was happening. I debated quitting for a hot minute because I was so mad but then I realized that nothing was stopping me from running a 1:41 half- it just wouldn't be in the official results.

So I did:

How does one manage to run the wrong way in a race? Well, it takes a special kind of talent, I guess. It started with a burst pipe in the underpass that goes under Lake Shore Drive. The path was completely flooded and the volunteers were shouting at people to take a detour, only it was a *little* unclear what the detour was and people were scattering in multiple directions. I panicked and decided to follow a guy THROUGH the shin-deep water and when I came out on the other side of the underpass I was completely flustered and upset and missed a sign that would have directed me in the correct direction. The rest is history. I actually ended up feeling super strong though and completely thrilled with my pace on my Garmin.

I don't usually do Garmin photos but dammit, this is my proof!

Yep, another Garmin shot. 

Truth be told, I pouted a little bit at not having an official time that reflected my effort but the important thing is that I DID IT. I totally killed it. And it's exactly on track for what I need to do at Wisconsin Marathon in three weeks. Yes just three weeks! Yesterday ran my last "big" long run of training. I hit a 70 mile week for the second time and it felt absolutely amazing to complete this cycle with a another strong long run. I just need to make sure I take my taper seriously this time. At Lakefront last fall I ran on days during taper when probably should have rested and I ended up not feeling fresh on race day. This time I'm going to try to listen to my body more instead of being a stickler with my training plan. The hard work is done now- I just need to be smart. Extra junk miles are only going to hurt.



So, onward we go. Commence weather stalking and outfit planning and general weirdo excitement.

Overcoming things on race day. Blah blah.

Utterly Bananas: Wisconsin Marathon Training Week 13

Yeah, another Strava screenshot. But hell yeah I'm excited about this 70 mile week!

Even with the cutback in mileage the week I raced a 10K, I'm still going to cross the 250 mile mark for March.
That is BONKERS.

Crazy mileage aside, I've had some quality workouts that have been confidence builders for me. I'm focusing really hard on not just running all "junk" miles but giving each run a purpose (speed intervals, tempo, progressive, recovery, etc.) I also think a big reason why I'm able to hit this mileage without hurting myself is that Wednesday and Friday are always recovery runs done at a very, very easy pace.

So what was good in the past couple of weeks? I actually had a pretty crappy speed workout to start week 12 where I couldn't hit my prescribed paces- mostly because I wasn't paying attention to my easy intervals and ran them way too fast. Rookie move, I know, which resulted in me getting slower and slower until I was just completely frustrated in the whole thing. That whole week I was feeling pretty tired and the botched speed workout hung over me like a dark cloud going into my 10K race.

Luckily? This happened instead:

I am smiling really big because I made it over the top of that big stupid hill and was rewarded with a huge downhill on the other side. Great shot to take a photo if you ask me. I ran a 30-second 10K PR- which is pretty neat since my previous PR was run on a flat track a few months ago. This one was full of hills! It started to hurt by mile 5 but otherwise I felt strong. I managed to win my age group which was an added bonus! I always wonder how fast I'd be able to run if I didn't race theses short races in the middle of marathon training- but who am I kidding I'm always in marathon training. Maybe I'd be a lot faster? Or maybe I'm just full of shit. 

Anyway, that was a huge boost to me since I was feeling kind of down all week leading up to the race. It turned me around mentally just in time to focus on Week 13: 70 miles! Whoa. 

First off, on Monday I had a "do over" of the speed workout I bonked the previous week. I took my recovery intervals seriously this time and was able to hit my paces spot on. Boom! Science. My other runs this week were easy paced (just trying to log the big 7-0) although my 13-miler on Tuesday was done progressively quicker each mile with a fast finish. I'm working really hard on starting out conservatively and allowing myself to ease slowly into my speed. I feel like it's been paying off because the faster miles don't feel like as much work anymore. Point two for Science.

Today was my 22 miler to cap off the week. This run was fantastic. Actually, I'm having a hard time figuring out which run this week was the best. It's a good problem to have! Especially because I've had a couple of rough weeks. Today though, I was again super proud of my pacing. I ran with Sara and Renee for the first 5 miles and we took it very easy since Renee is coming back from an injury. From 5-9 I ran with Sara and we naturally picked it up a bit as we talked but still, I didn't want to be too aggressive. Sara finished up at mile 9 and I took off to execute the rest of my plan. At mile 10 I started doing minute surges at marathon pace (8:10-8:15) at the top of every mile. It felt so good to speed up my legs! In between the surges I was able to recover and I felt ready to kick it up again as I approached a new mile. My overall pace increased more due to the surges but I was still saving up for the end where I kicked it up one last notch and ran in the 8:20s from mile 15-20. It didn't feel super "easy" but it didn't feel hard either which was great. The last two miles were a cooldown and I just had the biggest smile on my face. I'm so happy I've figured out how to finish long runs strong this cycle instead of crashing. This may be the missing piece in my training? Who knows. 

An added bonus is that I never had to stop and pause my Garmin at all during all 22 miles. A lot of times I have to stop for a traffic signal or a car or sometimes I'm with people who want to stop to eat whatever fuel they brought with. Today I just kept on trucking through. I didn't even pull my ipod out of my zip pocket after Sara left because I didn't want to lose focus and mess with it! I guess you could say I was in the zone. 

So now there are just 2 more hard weeks of training before taper. I have another cutback in mileage next week so I can race the ChiTown Half Marathon on Saturday and then there's one last push. Right now my outlook is most definitely optimistic. 

7 Weeks to Go: Wisconsin Marathon Training Week 11

I'm really trying not to psyche myself out this time around by obsessively counting down, but who am I kidding- I'm excited! This past week of training was a real high point for me. I hit 65 miles and topped off the week with a 21 mile run that I paced so well I was able to crank out the last 4 miles the fastest. It's a new thing for me to not be dragging at the end of a super long training run and I think I like it. I'm really trying to practice starting slow and building speed as I go since that will be my race day plan in May. Obviously qualifying for Boston is my #1 goal but I'm also dying to have a race where I don't hit a wall and get stronger and stronger until the finish. It's my turn to have one of those right? I'm working so hard.

Next week is a step back week in mileage again because I'm racing a 10K on Saturday. I'm feeling confident that I can break the PR I set in December. I hope I'm right.

View from the Shedd Aquarium last week on my 19-miler.
Another negative-splitter! It's what I do now.

Living on a Prayer: Wisconsin Marathon Training Week 9

We're halfway there! *insert Bon Jovi gif here*

It's amazing how much better I've felt in the last week and a half. I knew the tireds were just a temporary thing as I adapted to the mileage but I truly feel like a weight has been lifted. 60+ mile weeks? Pffft. I got this. 

Last weekend was another checkpoint of sorts. I raced a 5K for the first time in... 8 months or so? Sara and I drove out to Nashotah to run the St. Joan of Arc Frostbite 5K and despite the incredibly bitter cold we both had pretty stellar races. I actually kind of loathe how I feel while running 5K because it's so fast but I know it's over in just a little more than 20 minutes so that part is always good. In my case, it was over in 22 minutes and 27 seconds. Not too bad! I had hoped to sneak in under 22 but the course was a bit too hilly for me to do it. I suppose the 5 degree weather didn't help things either- it's super tough for me to breathe in deep when the air is that cold.

I know a 5K isn't the best indicator for projecting marathon pace but it was important for me to run strong. I actually ran negative splits (7:20, 7:19, 7:08) and finished the last tenth of a mile at a sub-7 pace when I thought I was dying so that was pretty neat. Sara and I placed 2nd and 3rd in our age group and got nifty icicle "medals." All in all it was a good day!

I'll be racing a 10K in a couple weeks and then after that is the Chi-Town Half Marathon where I'm super duper fingers crossed hoping for a PR. I'm working so hard this cycle I can't even tell you. 

February Miles: 217!

The Climb: Wisconsin Marathon Training Week 7

It's the middle of week seven and holy hell am I tiiiired. I'm not super sore or hurting or anything like that- just SLEEPY. I remember after the first month of training last summer when I got to this point. I had ton of energy at first (most likely due to adrenaline and the excitement from starting something new.) But about 6 weeks in or so my body realized what I was trying to sustain and I just shut down for about a week or so. Eventually I got accustomed to the mileage and I was able to press on but whoa, the sleeps were sleepy. And they are again now. Just typing this now, it's about 7pm and I'm already in bed and looking forward to lights out. Mmmmmm.

Am I stronger yet? Am I faster? I'm not really sure. It's so hard to gauge progress when you're in the thick of things. I've been bringing back hill workouts in to the mix because it helped me so much before Madison Marathon this year. I try to incorporate hills into almost every route I run now and earlier this week Sara and I tried out a completely bananas hill repeat workout that left me gutted. Even so, I feel mentally energized like every step I take is another in the right direction.

----------------

Funny story: I actually drifted off and fell asleep in the middle of this blog post. Not LOL funny but... mildly amusing I guess? It's now Sunday afternoon and I'm encased in my Rest Day Blanket on the couch. I'm feeling less tired than I did in the middle of the week so that's nice. I also had a really strong long run yesterday at the Pettit with a nice stretch at goal marathon pace. I love Sundays because in addition to reflecting on all the hard work of the previous six days I get hyped looking at my schedule for the upcoming week. 60 miles on deck! Monster speed workout! Let's go! I swear if I don't see big improvements after this cycle I'm out of ideas.

Eff Yeah 200 Mile January!

No wonder I'm tired!

Ramping Up: Wisconsin Marathon Training Week 5

I love my new stripey tights.

Zoom! I passed my first checkpoint over the weekend! I ran a pretty solid 1:44:10 at the Icebreaker Indoor Half Marathon on Saturday and although I would have loved to have been magically a couple minutes faster already, I realize it's early in the process so that fact that I can still eek out a sub-1:45 time means I'm in a pretty good place right now. I really really REALLY hope that in 2 months I can improve on this time and dip below a 1:42. (In my Dream World I would be a 1:3X half marathon runner already but I guess I need to work a little bit harder first.) I'm excited that this is my starting point instead of my peak time this year.

So week 5 begins! I eased up a bit on the mileage ahead of Saturday's race but before that I was starting to rack up some serious (for me) miles: 42, 46 and 49 miles for the 3 prior weeks. (I even managed the 49 during the week I was at Ladies Rock Camp.  I'm super proud of that!) This week I'll top out hopefully at 52 miles and keep climbing from there. Build that aerobic base. I'm hoping to get back to some hill running again this week as well since the frigid temperatures seem to be letting up for now and most of the ice has melted from my neighborhood sidewalks. Too much time on the treadmill and track is making me a bit punchy.

Look! There's Sara behind me!

In other news I've been playing around with logging my workouts on Strava lately. I broke up with Dailymile at the end of the year because I decided I didn't need another social networking site in my life anymore but I obviously still need to keep track of my training. I have my written training journal which I'm enjoying, but I also like being able to see everything on nifty charts and grafts and stuff. (Also, doing math is boring. I want Internet for that.) So far Strava seems to be prettier and more functional than the Garmin Connect site so I'll probably hang around there for a while. I had hoped to keep everything private but some folks have added me on there which I'm cool with for now. (I swear EVERYTHING has to have a social component to it these days.) Anyway, we'll see how it goes. Sometimes I like the idea of keeping my training log just for me. You know, except for when I choose to write goofy, rambling blog posts about it.

Last one. Zooom.

WI Marathon Training Week #3

This kind of stuff if probably only interesting to me but I like to get these thoughts out of my system and I ditched Dailymile this year so this is where the brain dump is going.

Week 3 already! The start of this cycle is decidedly less bumpy than the last time around. (Granted, last summer I was coming off a zero-mileage week during our trip to Barcelona.) This time, my decision to keep relatively high, easy-paced miles throughout December has me starting out with a pretty decent base to build upon. I remember last July those first two weeks of training really kicked my butt- especially the speed workouts- so feeling energized in week three is definitely nice.

Once again, I'm doing with a modified version of one of the training plans from Pfitzinger's Advanced Marathoning book. (I've constructed something that falls between the 18/55 and the 18/70 plan.) I feel like his training methods definitely made me a faster runner last year. My problem was that I didn't execute my race plan (i.e. going out to fast) or in the case of Lakefront Marathon I don't feel like I tapered enough and wasn't fully recovered on race day.

SO. Here we are again. I've had 2 especially good speed workouts so far and a confidence building marathon pace long run this past weekend. I know it's early in the game but I can't complain. Next weekend is the Icebreaker Half Marathon and while I don't feel ready to go for that sub-1:40 yet, I'm still going to run hard and see what I can do. Then we build from there.

My Dailymile replacement.

The 2015 Goals Post

Yes, I realize I still have a few weeks left in 2014 before any of this gets put into motion but this no-mans land of repairing/regrouping/recovering is a land that makes me downright twitchy. I need order! Schedules! PLANS.

So here they are:

Qualify for Boston. (Duh.) This is a no-brainer and it's been hashed out a bajillion times here. I'm going to finish what I started and go for my BQ again at Wisconsin Marathon on May 3rd. No hyped-up super-fast start where I take off like a crazed banshee. No building myself up too big and psyching myself out the day of the race. None of that bullshit. It's time to take everything I've learned this year and put it to action.

Run a sub-1:40 half marathon. I feel like I'm a little farther off this goal than I am to a BQ but I'm banking on my next marathon training cycle getting me there. I'll take a stab at it at the Icebreaker Indoor Half next month to see how the chips fall but I'm also planning on running the Chi-Town Half Marathon in April. That will be close to the peak of marathon training so I should be in top shape by then. Also it's on my favorite stretch of the lakefront path in Chicago!

Return to trail running/ultrarunning. I had originally hoped to return to the trails this year if I had run a BQ time already. As we all know things don't always work out the way you plan so I'm banking on next summer being the time I can move back into ultra mode. I miss the trails. I also miss the super long miles run at whatever pace I feel like. I miss pushing myself in a way that's totally different than pushing for a fast time. Right now I'm about 95% sure I'll be doing the North Face Endurance Challenge 50 miler. I've run it twice and loved it both times. (I've run the 50K and the half out there as well. It's just a great event all around.) I'm sure I'll find myself at a 50K while I build up the miles- most likely Dances with Dirt.

And here's the part where I'm a bit loopy. For the past year I've had my eye running a 100K- specifically the Kettle Moraine 100K in June. Obviously I can't do it in 2015 if I'm still chasing a Boston qualifying time but I'm looking HARD at it for 2016. I know it's too far out right now to seriously think about but I can't deny the thought is there. If I have a good summer on the trails and a strong 50 next fall... well, you know where this is going.

Last, I'm registered for the Milwaukee Running Festival Marathon in November! If you think I'm missing the inaugural year of a hometown marathon that runs all through the city streets then you don't know me one bit. It's going to be one big damn party.

Of course there will be other shorter races and stuff along the way (for instance my 5th consecutive year of RAGNAR) but these are the big ones. The must-dos! But first I've got three more weeks left of aimless wandering- mixed in with some celebrating, holiday-ing and general good cheering.

Then we begin anew.

PEE ARRRRRR: Madison Marathon Race Recap

What's that sound? Oh it's just me rising from the ashes of my Lakefront Marathon burnout to run a brand new marathon PR! Like I said on on Dailymile yesterday:

Redemption Town. Population: ME

Yep, I beat my previous personal best and squeaked under 3:45 for the very first time- just five weeks after my crash and burn at Lakefront. And it did it on the hilliest, hardest, damn road course I've ever run. If only I had the wisdom to pace myself this smart five weeks ago! Oh, the regret. But let's not dwell. Let's bask.

I knew going in this wasn't going to be another BQ attempt. Unless something completely unexpected happened in the second half, I knew the nature of the course wasn't suited for such fast time for me, especially with a super short recovery time from my previous race. But like I wrote a few days ago, I was pretty sure I could manage at least a PR if I paced myself correctly.

Ugh, pacing. My nemesis. I was determined not to go out too fast so I positioned myself behind the 3:40 pace group and vowed not to pass them. I had just seen Annie, Rochelle and Kim before the start and I was happy to hear they would be out on the course cheering in the final miles. I didn't feel nervous or super excited but rather just... calm. I remember thinking, "I get to do this. Again!" How lucky am I? That was the attitude I carried throughout the whole race. From the first step over the timing mat, I just knew it would be a good day. Unlike the first mile of Lakefront where my body felt "off" and not fully rested, today everything had this neat feeling of smoothness to it.

Back to pacing though. My goal for the first half was to try hold my pace around 8:20 miles. It was hard to hold back since I was feeling so good and I did a decent job for the most part, although I still was a wee bit fast. For the most part the faster miles were due to some downhills but every time I caught myself going to quick I reeled myself back in again. I knew the second half of the course was going to be super hard and I needed to reserve that energy. Absolutely no 8 minute miles like last month. I came here to finish strong.

I crossed the half a little over 1:49:17*- slightly faster than I wanted but not out of control. Plus,
instead of feeling like I was working hard I felt like I was just getting warmed up. Even the big hill on Observatory Drive at mile 10 didn't knock me out at this point! My strategy of "working with the hills" was paying off. The plan was to relax into the hill on the way up and take advantage of the downhill on the other side. Luckily, every big hill we went up had a big payoff going down. Thank goodness for the little things. Also, I saw Steena with her BEST PARADE EVER sign around mile 12. Yay friends!

*Side note about the halfway mark. I hit 13.1 on pace for about a 3:39 and I never saw the 3:40 pace group after mile 2. They were hauling. I don't know if they were trying to bank time for the harder second half? I thought this was an interesting pace choice. Hmmmm. 

After seeing my half split I admit I had the urge to speed up. But I held back. I knew from looking at the map that once we hit mile 16 it would be solid hills until 22. And not little hills either. Big, stupid, hills for 6 miles. The last thing I wanted to do was get cocky and burn out there. I slowed up a bit and kept my eye on the PR prize.

About those 6 miles of hills. That was really evil, you know? For some reason they changed the course this year and took out a long, flat out-and-back at the end that I guess people didn't like. What did they make up the difference with then? MORE HILLS. First we wound our way through Warner Park (I hear people go sledding there? Good. Great. Wonderful.) It kept building and building until we scaled the biggest hill of all in the Maple Bluff neighborhood somewhere before 22ish. I admit I walked parts of these later hills. At this point I felt like it was more important to keep my heart rate from skyrocketing and then power back on the downhill to recover. I had my best mall walker powerwalk on too. One guy told me my walk was faster than his run at that point. Heh.

Elevation map. Gross.

After 22 though, despite how those last hills had slowed me up I still knew I was golden. I could see the capitol in the distance and even with my fuzzy runner math head I knew I had my PR in the bag if  just kept putting one foot in front of the other. The next question was could I squeak in under 3:45? I was definitely running slower at this point but I was passing people left and right so this gave me confidence. Then a little after mile 24 I saw Annie, Ro and Kim! (I didn't know it at this point but Kim had run a PR in the half marathon as well!) It gave me such a boost to see them and I told them I was going to get my PR as I passed. So happy.

I had a big dumb smile on my face until I saw the last hill leading up to Capitol Square. I knew it was coming but I didn't realize just how awful it was going to feel until I was in the middle of it. A half mile climb right at the end, and just when we got to the top we turned away and went back DOWN for a block before climbing up AGAIN to the finish. Oh, the humanity. It was at this point that my Garmin read 3:44 but it wasn't showing the seconds so I didn't know how much time I had left to get in under 3:45. Kesha was playing super loud as they announced my name and I "sprinted" across the finish line.

3:44:57

Holy shit. This year.

A lot of things come easy to me. This has not. Because of what has happened in this past year of training and racing, this crazy goal I have of qualifying for Boston holds even more meaning to me now. But today wasn't about getting to Boston. It was about proving to myself that I am strong. I have improved this year. All my training wasn't for naught. And now that I've learned how to pace myself correctly and run a SMART race? I. Feel. Unstoppable.

I am a babystepper. Following in the footsteps of the great Bob Wylie I will continue to babystep my way to my BQ and beyond. I began with a 4:27 just a little over 5 years ago. Since then I've whittled my way down to 4:07, 3:58, 3:56, 3:50, 3:46 and yesterday, a 3:44. How cool is that? I have a feeling 2015 is going to be a great year.

Something to Believe In

I crushed it! I crushed the sick. It took lots of quality couch time, tons of water, and multiple back-to-back episodes of Parenthood but I'm fairly sure I've emerged victorious. FIST PUMP.

I have the strangest attitude about this weekend's race. I'm excited to run again but I feel like I have no idea what to expect out of myself. I was so absolutely sure I would BQ at Lakefront that I didn't even have a "B" goal. Now, I feel like I'm just throwing my hands up in the air and whatever happens happens. Obviously I would be thrilled if I had an amazing day and ran a PR. (It's what I hope happens.) But if it turns out that I've exhausted all my fitness for this racing season I'll also not be surprised at all. I'm actually fully prepared to be schooled by what looks to be a challenging, hilly course.

Still at this point I feel good, both physically and mentally. Unlike the week before Lakefront, I actually feel well rested and antsy. The buildup for marathons is part of the fun.

And now for some Bret Michaels because it's what I'm jamming to this week:

Do Your Thing

Day 11 of recovery after Lakefront and I dare say I'm starting to get excited about the Madison Marathon! I still don't think I can "race" it all out but I'm feeling better and better about the idea of starting out slow and running whatever feels good. Maybe I'll surprise myself? Or maybe not. Either way I think it will be a good day. I realize people have all sorts of opinions about running multiple marathons close together but I will take my husband's always sage advice on this matter, which is "Fuck 'em." This is what makes me happy, and life is too short to not do the things that make you happy. \o/ Isn't there a Taylor Swift song about that sort of thing?

Speaking of other instances where this advice can be applied, I stumbled onto an online message board (yes, in the year 2014) where people were trash talking a runner/blogger I like and have followed for a few years now. It amazes me how people can spend so much time caring about what someone else does- to the point where there are pages and pages of comments on her training, her race times, even her outfits. I can't wrap my brain that kind of pre-occupation. Where does that come from? Does it make people feel better to snark so? I guess I don't expect any answers.

Me, I'll keep plugging along.

Recover. Rebuild. Go.

I'm truly thankful that I recover so well. It's uncanny how well my body bounces back after a long run- if only I could put together that "perfect" race day before said recovery, right? I'd gladly experience a few extra days of soreness for that.

I tried to take it easy last week but by Thursday I felt like I was raring to go. I did hold back a little, despite the feeling that I wanted to bolt out my door on Sunday and disappear onto the trails all day. The fall weather is calling me! Instead I spent some time researching trail ultras for next year. People do some crazy shit! Yeah, I suppose I'm one of them. Hell no I'm not willing to do any triple digits though.

But all that's for next year. I've still got a few things on my plate in 2014 to round out the season so... slow down and take one thing at a time. I found my Doctor Who TARDIS dress for the Monster Run 5K next weekend so that was neat. And after that it's the Door County Fall 50 relay with my Game of Thrones-themed team! (I still need to embellish my Khaleesi costume from last year a bit.) Oh yeah, and that whole Madison Marathon thing and possibly the Schaumburg Half at the end of November.

It's a lot, but I love it. I really do. Sometimes I wonder what I would do with myself if I hadn't found this crazy sport. I'm in love with every bit of it- from having a workout on the schedule to check off my calendar (nearly) every day to the undeniable adrenaline at the starting line of a race. I'm happy I found something that just clicks for me. On days when I'm feeling a little down I look to the plans I've made for the upcoming months and I know I'll be ok.

Tipping My Hat

This year has been all about the marathon distance for me. (Obviously.) While 2013 was all about running ultras and not focusing on my time, this year started out with on big, bold, FAST, time goal. While I didn't achieve that goal this year, I still feel like I want to end 2014 with me and the Marathon on good terms. Shake hands, if that makes sense.

So I signed up for the Madison Marathon on November 9th. Not as another BQ attempt, but rather I want to finish a marathon this year feeling "good". No pressure or worries about running a specific pace. No staring at my Garmin the whole time and not being in the moment. Madison will be my time to run whatever feels good that day and pay my respects to the marathon distance. I'm pumped to soak it all in and be grateful for what I've gone through this year. It's been an experience.

Words and Feelings: Lakefront Marathon 2014

I'm going to attempt a race recap but everything important about this race doesn't have as much to do with the actual race itself. There was so much buildup to Lakefront Marathon for me this year (for obvious reasons) so the story is more about journey there than anything. From the hardest, most dedicated summer of training I've every gone through to the nonstop motivation and encouragement from friends (you know who you are), the fact that I missed my goal seems secondary.

In January of this year I put a big dream of mine out into the Universe. I said that I wanted to qualify for the Boston Marathon this year. This is something that I never ever in a million years thought I would even attempt so it was a big hurdle for me to publicly say it was something I was going after. Having missed it three times now, on one hand I feel frustrated for building it up so big only to fall short, but I'm also more fired up than ever to smash this goal of mine with an iron fist. There are lessons to be learned from every race and after yesterday the tweaks I need to make to be successful are even more clear to me. (But more on that later.)

First the highlights of of the weekend!

Sara and I went together to pick up our packets on Saturday. She has had my back throughout this whole process. If you don't have a Sara already, I highly recommend you get one.

Then my friend Shiow came in from Chicago for a visit! We ate carbs and laughed and laughed and I went to bed at 9pm while she played Dungeons and Dragons with my family. Right before bed I realized we were out of wheat bagels and she and Jason ran out to the store to get some for me. It may seem like not a big deal but it made me feel special. The next morning Shiow even got up at 5am to see me off, declaring marathon morning "like Christmas for weirdos" and we snapped this photo:

Woo!

Then all the usual race morning stuff. Long bus ride out to Grafton followed by an anxious hour of waiting at the start. I ran into some friends who wished me well and I was feeling good. Then we were off!

I'm not really sure how to explain the race other than it never felt like things were "clicking" for me. I started off a bit slower as planned- although in hindsight probably not enough- but I didn't feel super relaxed. My legs felt a little heavy and I kept thinking maybe I just needed to warm up since it was only 35 degrees and I was wearing shorts. I was running the correct pace for the most part but I've done enough marathons now to know when I'm going to have a great day. In Chicago last year I felt like the first 13 miles were a warmup, 20 miles is where the "race" started and I passed lots of people in the final 10K. (This is the only race where that has ever happened- I need to find that again!) This day, everything just felt...ok. I knew I would make it through the race but to have a blowout PR day in the marathon everything has to be nothing short of AMAZING. 

26.2 miles is a long way though and I wasn't about to write the day off in the first hour of running so I kept trying. Here's the amazing part about running a marathon in your hometown- everyone that comes out to cheer! Leading up to race day I lost track of how many people I would have to look for on the course and where they would be standing. I joked that I needed a spreadsheet to keep it all straight but it was really true. I saw people I knew everywhere! I don't even want to name names because I'll probably forget someone but if you were out there yesterday please know how much you were appreciated. Concordia was especially exciting because I saw my family cheering! I knew that whatever happened they were going to be proud of me. 

I think I reached the half marathon point in a little under 1:48, which was right on schedule but like I said before- it needed to feel like a warmup and it didn't. I had hoped to run miles 13-20 at slightly above goal pace and then "relax" the rest of the way in. Ha. When I tried to speed up though my legs just...didn't. Nothing. The winds were picking up and we hit some hills and it was difficult so I had no choice but to keep doing what I was doing. I knew this was a bad sign but again, there's no point in quitting halfway. 

By the time I saw my family again at 18 I pretty much knew I was toast as I was barely hanging on to an 8:20 pace then. (The bare minimum I needed to run, and it felt hard.) I tried to smile for them when I passed by but later they told me they could tell I was not happy.  I slipped even more into the 8:30s and 8:40s during the next two miles and when I saw friends again at mile 20/21 as I was wrapped up in a lot of messy emotions. The friends I saw at this point in the race were so positive and amazing and I wanted to run faster SO BAD just for them. It doesn't make sense because IT DOESN'T MATTER in the grand scheme of things but I wanted with all my heart to be successful for everyone who said they believed in me that day. Going into today I believed fully I was going to achieve my goal but by mile 22 that belief was gone. 

I walk/jogged in the last 4 miles because at that point the goal was missed and I was in that phase where I needed to come to terms with it so I could hopefully finish with a smile on my face.  At the mile 25 marker my minimum goal time of 3:38 flashed by on the clock. That was rough. Right after that I came by Rochelle, Marty and Tony and I wanted to lose it but at the same time I was so happy to see them because I had no idea I would be seeing anyone I knew this late in the race. I told myself not to be a baby and be strong for the finish so I picked myself up the best I could as I headed in Veteran's Park. I saw my friend Bill cheering and taking photos at mile 26 but after that I just kept my eyes forward and ran as hard as I could to the finish. I was done in 3:50:45. (Here's another reason why I'm kind of a jerk: This time was literally my dream time last year. Perspective.)

I put my hands on my knees and felt my face crumple right away which caught the eye of the medical staff so one guy was on me ASAP. I told him I was fine and just sad that I missed my time but he kept following me and helped me get my mylar cape and water, all while asking me a bunch of questions. I finally convinced him that I'd be ok and he let me go. I suppose it was nice that people are there looking out for you. Immediately after that I ran into a couple more friends who had finished right ahead of me and got some much needed hugs. The first few minutes after a finish is always so surreal so I was happy to see some familiar faces. I tried to pull myself together and went to go find Jason and Shiow so I could get wrapped up in even more hugs. MORE HUGS! Good lord I needed them. 

Ugh. This is longer than I intended. When I look back at the technical part of the race, I realize now that I probably need to start out even slower and build up speed from there. I'm kind of really afraid of beginning a marathon below my goal pace but I suppose it worked for me in Chicago last year so why not try it again next time I go for the BQ? What have a got to lose at this point? Seriously. As for when the next attempt might be I don't know right now. If anyone has a good suggestions for a favorable course, holler at me. I'm all ears. I still think when I do get to where I want to go it's going to be the best, most fantastic feeling ever having gone through all of this.